Growing up, never did I feel that I’m the prettiest girl in class nor I’m the beautiful princess at home. I never believe that I’m or will ever be attractive at all *coz I’m really not*. And that’s probably the biggest insecurity I’ll ever have. I’m telling you, it s*c*s sometimes.
My mother is not the typical mother any child would have–the type that would tell his/her child he/she is handsome or beautiful, she’s not like that. I think she too is not convinced that I’m *at the very least* pretty, even. Yeah. What a support team?! Haha. But I wanna believe that she’s just not too vocal about how gorgeous I am and so. Haha. Kidding.
Other people tell me that I need to learn how to take care of myself now, coz I’m not getting any younger. That I need to fix my hair, buy this-and-that for my face and do this for my body. There are others who just simply say that I don’t look good or I look old or I don’t look my age. All those kinds of advices, and yes, even unpleasant thoughts. You see, my language of love is Words–hence, for me talking with grace is a major plus point. You can tell me I’m ugly and all that, but, sandwich it with some positive attributes so it won’t hurt that much. However, one cannot expect to receive that kind of treatment for always; there will be people who are very straightforward–forgetting grace and all and you just have to deal with it.
The world has it’s own ways of defining what beauty is and definitely I don’t fit into it’s standards. We all feel that every once in a while. I’m just ever grateful though because I don’t belong to the world. I belong to the King of Kings; I’m a Royalty; I’m a Princess. Saying this, it boosts my confidence up 100times a notch. Although, being tempted and going back to my insecurities is always there. Like now. Some people can simply talk and discourage you in the process. When this happens and it happens every time, you’ll always have two choices: let them win and bring you down or let them realize that they won’t bring you down. It’ s a struggle to go over the latter coz it’s easier to throw out a Pity Party than being one Miss Bulletproof.
Actually, one can’t really face those giant monsters in their closets alone. That’s where the royal bloodlines come in. I can never do it alone–put a face in my insecurities and letting them all go and don’t affect me. Praise God, I have Him with me always. Even I got this major struggle with Beauty–funny, but yes I do, He always assures me that I’m more than what the world thinks I am. He thought of me as precious and sacrifice-worthy. He loves me. Even I burp like an ogre or I look like one. He’s just amazing. AWESOME!
I don’t give up on being one pretty girl. I know at the right time, I will be, but not because I followed the ways of the world. But my beauty shines inside out–the beauty of loving and serving my Big Daddy. I wanna achieve that first, for then, physical beauty will follow. Oh yeah!
So with this, a quick shoutout I give to my God’s Best: wherever you are and if you can even read this, I’m still a work in progress. I’ll do my very best to be the Someone God wants me to be for I know you’re doing the same too. I’m excited to meet you but I pray that when we do, you’ll see my efforts as I’m gonna see yours. Let’s do this for the glory of the King. :) orayt!
Live high. Live mighty. Live righteously. Cheers!