Sorry to Bother You With This

Dear GB,

It’s been a while since I wrote you a letter since I went on blog-slash-journal-and-writing-stuffs-fast. I’m just wondering, do you know how hard it is to wait for something uncertain?

You see, I had this crush at school way back before. If you’re there by my side at those times, it might be a pain for you to watch how I’m head over heels to this particular guy. You might actually cringe because I even write him poems since I can’t tell NOR show some hint of my feelings for him. Do you know how hard that is? Do you know how hard it is to be a girl and you can’t tell a guy that you’re crushing on him? Did you ever feel that way?

You wouldn’t mind that I’m crushing on somebody, would you?

You know sometimes, I really think that you’re so good to be true; that these letters I wrote is somehow addressed only to the cool breeze and warm sunshine and not to an actual person. I don’t even know if you’re real, but, I have faith–faith to the Author of my life and love story. I’m always hanging on to the good things and experiences my Dad would give me here on earth. Right Dad? I’m sure you reserved someone for me. *crossed-fingers*

Going back. This crush of mine is the crush of everyone else. Plus point for ‘reasonable’. Somebody once said, I seemed to like the same qualities on a guy just like everyone else’s at least for the Looks Department–the guy-next-door type. Well, yeah, sort of. If we were to base on the physical appearance–I’ll go for someone very neatly groomed, has a nice nose, fresh breath and clean teeth and just the right amount of X factor. I’m not very particular with the skin tone, although, I notice guys who got light shaded tone more. These are the type of guys who won’t even knew I ever existed. HAHA. Yeah, so I got a crush on this guy for his looks.

Second, the way he acts when his around me. You know, girls when they have crushes, they think a bunch of signs, meanings and wonders on a single action done by their guy crushes? Even a simple candy wrapper from the crush can mean so much than just it being a “candy wrapper.” So you, as a guy, try to be careful on those things okay? What you do to a girl can mean another thing for her, you better keep guard.

Third, we became friends. And when you’re friends, that’s a whole lot of another level, another set of boundaries. I saw his other side that made me had a crush on him a little bit more. I’ve been uncrushing him, for what, two years already and I never perfected it yet. You know, I still wait on him; hoping he had felt even the slightest of what I’d felt until now and you bet, I’m stuck on ‘never’ for an answer. Ha! After fate set in and we had to part roads to take, he seemed to have changed. Or I expected too much on him staying the same way as I wanted. Oh man! And just this day, he texted. After a month! Goodness! He always texted once a week before; then all of a sudden–a God-given prayer of mine too–there’s silence and I hanged on my patience.

He’s a close friend and I shouldn’t act this way, should I? Plus, it’s a petty crush. Or is it not? Although I always knew that he is not ‘the one’ for me and I bet, he always knew that too, I still gave myself much hurt on relying on my false hopes. Ha! It’s just that, sometimes, I don’t want to let him go because he made me feel that I’m kinda…beautiful. Every time I’m with him, his presence makes me feel beautiful. He believed in me. Okay, I’m stopping.

I know I’m starting to sound so foolish but that’s how I’m feeling. I never…sometimes, I led myself to a pity party–because I’m not as smart or pretty as all the other girls are. You know, sometimes my insecurities made me feel like there would never be a ‘someone’ who’s gonna admire me for who I am. Like, I always have to be somebody else; like, I have to double my efforts for others to notice me. And that very same thing is not what I wanted to do. But, thank God He’s always there to catch me each and every nth time I fall because of my insecurity baggages! I need Him. He is someone who always stays by my side. I think, I need to go seriously back to His arms of grace. Man, why do I always run away from Him when He’s gonna help me deal with these issues with myself…and my concerns when it comes to boys?

I’m writing this to you because I wanted to tell you, I wanted to show you a part of my imperfection. I’m flawed. It’s only by God’s grace that I could make peace with myself. My personality and relationship with my Dad is something I NEED to strengthen for me to be free from these bondages I’m giving to myself.

And now, it sounded like I wrote not a letter but a diary entry. Haha. Anyways if you happen to read this, pray for me, alright?

Tis one of those days when I wanted to see you already.

When will I ever?

Working out some flaws and hoping you’d still want to meet me soon,
Ninsy

P.S.
I actually wrote this earlier this November on my journal. I just posted it a bit late here on the blog just in case, you my dear GB is a blog-reader dude.

P.P.S.
I’m doing fine now. Still struggling at certain times but I’m fine. :) good night you, cheers!

Advertisements

Ten O’Clock

It’s like I can love you forever and it’s never gonna end
It’s like I can stay here beside you even if you just call me friend
I can write you a poem even as I’m walking in the street
Or stay dreaming in my bed
The thought of you is just mind-blowing; an art well-created

The rays of the sun under the shade of the trees
The cool wind or warm breeze
The sunset would be lovely if you’re with me
While dancing with our feet in the sand of the sea

Will you laugh with me when I can’t drop my punch lines?
Will you hold my hand and wish on a falling star in the midnight?
Is it too late for imagination, or a fairy tale, at least?
Is it too late for you, for me, or for us? Is it too late for this?

It’s like I can love you and stay beside you forever
It’s like you just left me but there’s a fight I can’t surrender

~wrote this while I’m headed home last September. My dear friend Myla, asked (we’re texting, you see) me to sing out some songs and I gave her a phrase I thought of and saved on my phone the last time. Then momentum came in and the rest was history. She’s gonna put a rhythm to this I-dunno-what-sense-you-can-get lyrics in I-dunno-when. HAHA.

We are some crazy vixens who writes out inappropriate feelings for the moonlight breeze and the stars to hear. You bet? Cheers!

Moodboard: No Rain. No Rainbow.

Even as I took a break from blogging, I still made my moodboard for last October and this November. I’m just dying to show off what I did ever since the past month for I get good reviews whenever my friends see it (because my moodboard for a particular month is Viktor’s–my iPod’s–wallpaper too that’s why they see it). You can say I’m a bit proud since they liked it even my only job is to collate the pictures I get from blogsites I visited, and yes I am. I think it’s just cool because the pictures brought Positivity to them as well and I am most happy when my works kinda exude those inspiring vibe. Credits to the Tumblr sites I visited: Mighty to Save, Bubbly Kat and Happy Things.

Even life brings you something not nice, just find time to look at the bright side…

20111108-165956.jpg

20111108-170007.jpg

And collect lovely things to remind you how blessed you are in this world. :)

20111108-170016.jpg

20111108-170022.jpg

Spread peace and give love. Share your blessings given by the One up above.

Oh, ain’t this the cutest background song of a commercial ever? HAHA. Sorry, fan mode. (:

The band behind the commercial song Hey Daydreamer is the Someday Dream (one man band c/o Rez Toledo. Managed by the then Hale vocalist, Champ Lui Pio). Earlier posts on the November celebrant who’s launching his very first album on the 29th, click HERE. I just felt the need to edit this part because (base from my blog stats, I think) you dear blog-reader, might be interested on this. 

Follow the band on Facebook and Twitter too. 

Cheers!

It Will Take Me Forever

When I doubted my abilities
You believed in me; You’re my number one supporter
When I can’t bear my situation any longer
You are my companion; You helped me in my time of need
When fears succumbed my innermost being
You shielded me and embraced me with Your presence
When I ran away and got lost
You never left me; You’re always waiting for my return

It’s as if You let me hold Your heart
And most times I never realized I had it broken

For forgiveness
For the love
For everything You’ve been given
Can I ever thank You enough?

I Am MacArthur!

Oh wow, how long have I gone? WordPress iOS 5 got this text formats already (Bold, Italicize, Underline, Strike-through, etc.). Hopefully they add the text colors in the near future! Ha! Anyways…

HOLLER! It’s been, what? Almost a month or two since I’ve been out of the blog lights. It’s so good to be officially back! Yay! The past months were busy months, and true enough, time flies and it’s nearing the month of Christmas celebrations already! So what happened to me?

I’m not really all gone when I decided to blog fast the last time. There are days that I still check the blog, only, I don’t post posts and take my time to write whatever it is that I thought of writing on a certain day. Wow. It seemed like I write-fast over there. Well, me blogging is like me sharing some random thoughts about me, about other people or just about anything and everything–wanting to inspire, aspire or just simply appreciate everything wonderful. I feel more free when I write than when I talk because I can think through my words before I can actually post them. And besides, I think I make more sense when I write although I really love to talk. HAHA. My Tumblr account, though, is the proof that I’m still blogging–only more on photos–the past months. I just decided to come back a little later here on WordPress.

My battle is an on-going process. I still fail sometimes on the things I should be doing and exerting my efforts to. It’s just amazing how our good Lord picks us up from the way we are and brings us back to His presence. His love never changes but we always run away. It’s so stubborn of us, you know? We find it hard to obey, when in obeying, we will live more abundantly, peacefully and joyfully with His presence.

I just realized how He makes things easy for us to do if only we would learn to discipline ourselves and follow His commandments. It’s for our own good. That’s how he loves us. If that’s not a total wow-er, I dunno what is. It was in the times I disobeyed that I found it hardest to live my life; I was empty and I don’t know what to do or how to do something right. Ha! It was foolish of me to think I can resolve my problems within myself by myself and I walk alone without actually doing what He tells me to. I’m telling you, that’s tiring. It’s like going on a sick cycle carousel.

I do. I still have struggles. Hey, I’m not perfect. I’m far from being one. Nonetheless, to not loose focus should be on top of my head. My life wouldn’t be hard if I let Him take over it. Oh yes! Please pray for me every time, alright? I need those. And if you’re a friend, your words on me would be helpful.

Thank you dear Dad for everything.