Mister Green Eyes

You know I hate it
I hate it when I still feel these feelings for you
I hate it when I still long for something that ain’t coming true
I don’t wanna settle, but I guess I have to

When I dreamt of you misty Sunday morning
It was the joy of your presence that kept me from waking
You got those mystery behind your eyes
A mystery that even I wasn’t able to comprehend to

All I know is what I felt –
The sweetest peck on the cheek and the warmest embrace
A dint of nostalgia on its way out from yesterday
A hunger for those same moments is searching for me at my own race

Seeing you today, though, made me bitterly envious
How I wish I was the one whom you rescued
I always wanted you to be my knight, remember?
I guess it always slipped right out of you

Just for this time, just for once –
I hate it when I just write something for you
When I know you won’t care
I still write how I always fall for you

Promise, this would be the last time that I’ll ever do
Because I hate it.
I hate me.
I hate you.

~I don’t know if this could be considered a poem. I consider this to be a heart – confused, broken (for the nth time), vulnerable. It’s that kind of heart. It’s that but it’s invincible.

P.S. when I wrote this, it’s an impromptu writing; hence, not too much on word play but a show of pure feelings. #SayWhuut

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Non Placet of Effervescence

You leave me with the wrong impressions
And I’m not ready for complications
But why can’t I stay away?
Why can’t I just stay away from you?

I’ve barricaded my heart, braced myself
Never again am I letting anyone in
But how come with just one smile
You sent the locks flying away?

I’m here in my corner, clutching a book
At peace with myself, heart’s tucked safe
Then you just had to happened, don’t you?
You sent a raging storm that disrupted my universe

I know I’m still denying it, but I have to
I’m never gonna admit your effect on me
No one’s ever gonna know what you do
To my heart every time we meet

In a month or two, this turmoil will be gone
Your charisma will wear off, and I’m gonna be fine
Back to the same old, same old
Not too colorful but it’s my comfort zone

Unless I can be sure that you’re gonna catch me
There’s no way that I am letting myself fall
I know it’s better this way, I’m sure of this
My peaceful universe is all I will ever gonna need

~This is written by Marichelle Boiles; she allowed me to publish this since she’s never gonna publish it on her blog – like she’s never gonna ever admit her feelings for a possible true love. This is her, writing her heart out for the PTM guy (I forgot what PTM means). She’s a super writer, see?

P.S.: it’s I who gave the title. Whatcha think? Did I get it right? :)

The Downpour Of

The rain always reminds me of unspoken sorrow —
Of hearts longing to be heard;
Of chances never to be taken;
Of promises ought not to be broken.

But the rain is also an immutable triumph —
Of forgiveness that is bound to happen;
Of faith unveiling the beauty of tears;
Of hope extremely marvelous and steadfast.

It’s the scent of the drizzle over the window pane —
The longhand letters and the wonderful maze;
The people who believed and those who eagerly resist;
The memories, those memories, of once requited love.

It’s those poignant moments and bargained ventures – a liberating aftermath.
It’s the rain, it’s this rain, and how I always remember what I had never forgotten: you.

~I started drafting this poem Saturday when the rain started to poured out so hard it felt like there’s a waterfalls falling from the heavens. I finished writing midnight of Tuesday when all those feelings came back all at once. I grappled on them so tight, I don’t want them to hang loose. And there, I thought, this could be a poem. :)

No! to Lady Gaga

A proposal to take our stand as Christians who love the Lord and all that He loves in this world.

1. Should we ban the concert of Lady Gaga?

NO. Concern for censorship reflects more the weakness and failings of the fearful party rather than the actual capacity/power of the censored object. Why be afraid of Lady Gaga’s music if people have been adequately grounded in their faith through faithful discipleship and all? (See Ephesians 4:13-14)

2. Should the church suppress the songs of Lady Gaga and rally against it?

NO. The antidote to “bad communication” is not “no communication” but “good communication.” In other words, freedom of expression is always best safeguarded. If one finds a message lacking in truth and is presenting an inadequate account of reality, the best way to counter it is to offer a response -one that offers a more compelling alternative. Besides the church has more pressing issues to rally against. What about the slaughter of helpless trees by these greedy gigantic malls? The escape of a Panamian who raped a daughter of our nation? The crooks in the government who keep blocking the government’s crusade against corruption? The massive poverty in our communities aggravated by the presence of unjust and oppressive structures and legislative provisions? By addressing these issues, the church may gain more support for its press-briefings. (See the spirit of the verse in Matthew 23:23)

3. Can the church ignore the songs of Lady Gaga?

NO. The apparent affinity and comfort that certain segments of young people (esp. the outcasts and misunderstood) feel for the message of her songs reveal a social reality that the seems to have been ignored or left to the fringes by the church. The church might actually learn a thing or two from Lady Gaga on how to speak from where the new generation is coming from. It might as well be argued that no matter how depraved or wretched in sin, figments and fragments of God’s grace remains to be present in the world. (See Psalms 24:1)

4. Should the church be overly concerned of the disturbing subliminal messages and latent metaphors and images commonly associated with the “dark forces” of the world (e.g. Satanic)?

NO. Messages like these have long proliferated in the Internet particularly in the music/media industry. Why single out Lady Gaga just because of her popularity? Given the pace of technology nowadays, it would also be impossible to have such things out of reach by the media savvy young people. A more pressing question is what contributes to her popularity among the youth despite the rather “dark” nature of her materials?

5. Should the church spend its time exposing and fishing for “anti-Christian” elements that Lady Gaga embedded in her music?

NO. In a world where the audience is empowered to read their own personal meanings into any work, it would prove to be a better use of time to discover ways on how to make use of the motivations that leads people to patronize her music. This information could better be of use to the church as it tries to re-capture the attention and imagination allured by Lady Gaga’s musical outputs. Besides, it would be unfair to expect reflection of biblical values in the works of someone who does not at all claim to uphold Christ or his teachings. In other words, we should not condemn Lady Gaga for creating music at its best according to the standards that is within her grasp. (See Romans 8:7).

6. Should the church keep silent about the impact of Lady Gaga’s music?

NO. Just as it is Lady Gaga’s right and interest to craft music according to her inclinations and disposition, the church should craft ways on how to creatively popularize and mainstream biblical values and perspectives. Should Lady Gaga be enjoying a wider hearing is not her fault at all. It will just show how the church is losing and biting the dust with regards to packaging and proclaiming its “well-kept secret message.” It should be a wake-up call for the church to launch its artists and musicians into the world rather than keep and stifle their creativity within the four-walls of the church. Jesus himself said, “No one lights a lamp and puts it under a bowl; instead it is put on the lampstand, where it gives light for everyone in the house.” (Matthew 5:15)

7. Should the church approve of Lady Gaga’s perspectives on life and morality?

No. Trying to grapple with the social dimension of her music and all the valuable lessons that it can give doesn’t should not dilute the fact that it steps over Christian virtues and Filipino cultural values. We should be able to call a spade a spade even at the expense of losing popular approval (II Timothy 4:1-5). Understanding her worldview and those that benefits from her music (e.g. homosexuals, etc.) is different from legitimizing it in the public space. Sympathy doesn’t necessarily need to translate to approval. Nor should we, Christians, let it be misunderstood that way.

8. Would Jesus be threatened by the derogatory and blasphemous remarks made by Lady Gaga?

Not at all! Every authority in heaven and on earth has been given to Jesus (Matt. 28:19). He is reigning now as King of Kings and Lords of lords. No statement made by anyone not even by Satan could trample upon that authority. In the end, every knee shall bow upon His name. This thought should keep us from allowing Satan’s lie (that he is getting the upperhand in the epic battle for rulership of God’s creation) to creep into our minds and hearts. Let us be aware that our well-meaning efforts to defend God may actually be hindering the onward march of His kingdom. As the well known quote puts it, “the best way to defend the Lion is not to get in its way. It should simply be let loose and fend for itself.”

Let our “No” to Lady Gaga be a “Yes” to sanity and goodwill. He who has ears, let him hear.

Article GRABBED was written by Rei Lemuel Crizaldo.

Retrospect From The Behind

I am not a writer ‘writer‘ – those who can descriptively narrate the details of a certain event from ‘I remember ugly green walls and a clock that hung above the classroom door.’ to ‘Most of us just counted down the minutes until the clock hit 4:30. After that, it was beautiful chaos.’ just like Isa Garcia. I may not be like that – much to my chagrin – but today I decided to give it a try…..uh- huh, a try, and so you have to be easy on me!

When people are waking up early (than they normally do) even when they still wanna play rock-a-bye-baby on the background or any classic-sy music for that matter; when they are taking up heavy meals for breakfast, or for some (like me), none at all; when they forget to comb their hair or tuck their clothes; when they sweat like falling tears from their forehead to their eyes because they’re in the middle of a traffic jam and they only got a few minutes before something would be deducted from their salaries because of the precious five minutes of time – then, that must certainly be the start of the week: a Monday.

Monday. I came in at the office 15 minutes late (I know, this must be an attitude changed) and went over a couple of meetings with the boss for my deliveries for the next two months. Did I ever told you that when I am to talk with my boss, I get kinda stressed out? Not because my boss is ever scary at all – no. Not because she’s too demanding that I can’t produce an outcome anymore – no. My boss is probably one of those bosses who you can be honest with, laugh with, talk-about-random-stuff-like-wishing-Jessica-Sanchez-could-still-reach-Top-Two-in-AI11 with and all those things. She’s super patient with you and gives you your required extra grace and goes extra miles from that. But why am I scared? I don’t know too, now. Ha! I guess, it’s because, she’s telling me my responsibilities and I ought to comply with it in the best way I can somehow. I am scared because I don’t want to disappoint her and fail and make a mistake. I know, I shouldn’t be pleasing myself and my boss (although you need to live up to their expectations sometimes). I know I need to please the real Boss who puts me where I am and doing what I do.

The whole meeting (from me to the bookkeeper) lasted until 7pm. We parted ways at around 7:15. My usual route going home is to ride the LRT (Anonas to Pureza Station), then take two jeepney rides from there. But last Monday I took on a different route (the route I take when I’m going to church after office) for my mother and I were to meet at Megamall.

***

Earphones plugged in, Mraz playing on the background, random things, wishes and dreams running on my mind and the train fast approaching – it’s a normal day after all, I thought. And so I hopped inside, stood near the train door since I’m only one station away from my next stop. In my peripherals, I saw this guy and practically noticed him because of that loud shouting orange shirt he’s wearing. However, I just ignored the thought of him and be on my thinking-random-things-I-can-think-of mode and alighted at once when the train stopped at my destination.

When I’m alone, I walk fast – it’s my normal walk walk while I’m trying to observe the people around me. It’s relaxing, you see, when you people-watch. Just then I spotted this loud-shouting-orange-shirt guy from the train following (again, from the corner of my eyes) me. Or is he really? I don’t know. But because I’m like in a Walkathon, I thought, maybe he’s in a hurry and because I’m like Super-Walk-Girl-who-can-get-her-way-out-of-the-crowded-mall-in-seconds, he followed me. On a second thought, well, he can pass through me if he wanted to. And after three minutes of I-think-he’s-following-me; maybe-he’s-just-tripping-and-I’m-the-victim; and, although-that-maybe-the-case-he-is-still-weird-and-freaky-doing-so thoughts, he finally decided to part ways from me. And oh boy, was I relieved. There were times that I’m trying to peek at his face to see what he looked like – I’m a girl, you know, wishing that he’s a cute guy and all that. Haha! But then, another thought came in, what if he’s a thief or whatever. Did I mention how wild my thoughts can get? But the guy is decent-looking, from the impression I got after a glimpse on his face: Promise, I Am Not A Thief.

I slowed my phase as I am nearing the MRT station – feeling my music once again, it’s Switchfoot’s turn on singing me lullabies. As I’m waiting for the next train to Ortigas, my peripherals registered a familiar color again. And there he was, that popping orange shirt guy, behind me again. I was a bit surprised and I thought it was kinda funny – the way I think he followed me around, departed from me (because I certainly thought that he thought he’s freaking me out already), and the both of us just dumbfounded at each other’s presence in the same line entrance of the MRT station. It’s just funny. And quite freaky. Haha!

Yesterday, Thursday, my peripherals saw the same humor again. Although he wasn’t behind me most of the time this time, and he’s not wearing a popper-eye shirt, we still saw (I am not sure if he notices it too, though) each other at the MRT station. And I find that cute. I didn’t see him all the while going to MRT but saw him where we surprisingly saw each other that humid Monday night. Don’t you think it’s kinda cute? And two times weird? Haha. It’s just funny – freaky funny.

The lesson: nothing. HAHA! Nada. Zilch. It’s just that, this life, our life is unpredictable and humorous at the same time. There will be weird things – with strangers or persons you’ve known for years. It could be freaky or way out of line or funny. Whatever it is, we ought to just find the happy moments in there, in that particular time, particular moment. Observe. Remember. Don’t forget.

Cheers!

Anecdotes on the Other Side of the Ocean

Growing up. Mr. Webster defines it as a verb, an action word, which means to grow toward or arrive at full stature or physical or mental maturity. I, on the other, see this as an event of twist and turns, ups and downs, acceptance and rejection, fear and courage, doubt and faith.

You see, life is but a hard road to travel. It is so hard that it could just caught you off guard and knock you out of your balance. The path will never be easy but I believe that’s where the beauty lies. We go through its courses that sharpens our perspective, understanding, character and attitude. These courses often require us to embrace change, to embrace growth from and within ourselves. But this, however, is my dilemma at twenty years old.

I can’t process, I can’t grasp this whole idea of growing up, although I know it’s gonna be beautiful. It’s not that I can’t, really, it’s more of I just don’t want to yet. I really don’t want it just yet. Not now.

When I graduated college (which was a year and nine days now, to be exact), I didn’t have concrete to-do plans but I still have Plans: find a course-related job in the corporate world, be excellent at it, and earn as much as I can for myself and my family while doing it. That’s the Plan. That’s my Plan. I never thought of seeing myself doing anything else, just that.

Then came one day and my Plan was set aside and was kept in its box. I was surprised to be on this other journey than the ones I’ve set my mind on to. I was suddenly working for a non-profit faith-based organization. At first, I don’t really understand what are these people trying to do and why are they doing it at all. But as I sojourn with them, I realized that my dreams before were quite shallow–all I think about is myself and what I want (nothing’s wrong with that) but you see, life in this earth is more than just me or you. We are here to serve others, to be the light and salt in the darkness. Anywhere we are, we have opportunities to do that, we just need to spot where it is exactly and we aren’t suppose to neglect that opportunity. And so, after almost a year, I’m learning from them, I’m learning what and why the Big Guy wants me there.

Being in that sort of a real world makes you see and discover something else within yourself–fear starts to creep in, nerves were just out of place, doubts scatter everywhere. And this, I know, is a part of this growing up cycle: stepping out of your boundaries. However this scares the crap out of me.

Faith, my faith, is on the other side of the coin. I ain’t a kid (baby Christian as they call it) anymore, therefore, it’s just about the right time to take full responsibility when it comes to my relationship with my Father. I am to bear fruit. I am to be transformed. No more playing around. I think and feel that I am such a disappointment to the Big Guy on this part. I don’t know, I don’t do things the way I should. It’s like I don’t want to go through the transition of being a baby to someone taking responsibility. I don’t want to step out my comfort zone. But when I don’t, I know I won’t grow. Growing up needs you to break your barriers, your safe nets, you need to move forward and make Him proud.

Growing up. It’s still of a big word for me. A big word which means responsibility. Especially with the kind of person that I am – I am most terrified in making a mistake. I’m afraid of failing and disappointing the people around me. And I know that’s where I got it all wrong.

In this life, fears will come knocking at your door (but most of the time, it will just go in without permission). The feeling of inadequacy and self-doubt is just around the corner and it’s gonna be a confusing path to take. And although I can’t really comprehend this growing-up thing until now, I know for a fact that there’s Someone Greater – Someone Greater than all of my fears and doubts combined. Someone Greater who’s gonna guide me through all these chaos. Someone Greater who is called peace and stillness, the joy that’s gonna burst inside of you if you let it. Someone Greater who is never ever gonna leave and will be by your side, holding your hands. Someone Greater who’ll give you ways to fly. Someone Greater who you can call hope, a weapon you can truly depend on to.

Time will come when things are gonna be better and everything will make sense after the drought. Always remember (dear self) that failures and mistakes are all included in the package called Life.

***

But these girls, I am certain of in life. They literally grow on me. HAHA! They make growing up a fun thing to do…like in the case of eating this pizza.

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Look.

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See what I mean? Haha! :P

The Long Walks and The Lost Almonds

When you thought your days will turn out ordinary the way it always has, think again. Maybe Mr. Chances is preparing a runway full of surprises every now and then.

This week is a busy week at the office since we’re preparing for the Davao training due Friday (next week will be buzzing for the PLM training too), but it didn’t hinder us to take off an early birthday celebration for Sir Rei – he’s my Trainer before when I/we were on OJT at ISACC, you can encounter him in some of my previous internship posts – he became a part of the CCGG team just recently. His birthday is a Tuesday holiday so we ended celebrating Monday.

At lunch, our tummies were celebrating the joys of potato salad, beef frakkking frakk delicious steak, binagoongan and some steamed veggies courtesy of my boss, Miss Joy, and Tita Ayds. I tell you, I was inch close to over-eating right there. :P I wasn’t able to Kodak the lunch part, so, boo me.

Then came the dinner part where the whole crew went out (for the first time) to extend eating pleasures at Finio, Tomas Morato. Of course, it was a treat of the birthday boy! Yay for treats!!!

Here’s what we ate – a summary:

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Nilagang Baka + Pancit topped with Lenchon Kawali + Gambas + Crispy Pata + loads of rice + some banana fritters with ice cream whatever for dessert.

The bonding time was quite cool too. Haha. I was blessed being surrounded with genuinely nice and incredibly smart people. :)

After bidding adieu to some of the crew, Miss Shane and Sir Rei remembered something I owed them. Being the innocent little child, I gave in to their wishes that started the unexpected journey.

Couple of months back I promised to treat my Seniors the much-awaited and over-rated talk-of-the-town ice cream: ze Magnum – a drumstick of Belgian chocolate ice cream in variants of Classic, Chocolate Truffle and Almonds. When I vowed to get them taste it, they never forgot it. They never even ever tried to buy it on their own; they waited for the very moment that I would hand what I promised them. Haha. They’re like kids, not forgetting promises. And today was the day of ending the long wait.

One thing about life: it won’t make your path easy. It will let you persevere for something you really want and want so bad. But in this seemingly pick-and-shovel road, we are ought to rise above its challenge. And that’s what we did.

Who would’ve thought that before we can eat a Magnum of our choice we have to walk pass across the earth? You think I’m exaggerating? Since we wanted to eat the Almond flavored Magnum, we went and searched for it. And we searched real hard, and by real hard I mean, two and a half hours of walk, eleven convenient store visits, three liters of sweat and a pocketful of hope and perseverance. we just wouldn’t quit and settle unless we got the Almond in our hands.

But you see, not everything you wanted will be given on the time you wanted it. However I believe it is always given at the most perfect timing, a perfect timing that would just slaps you a smack on the face. The journey to your end destination will incur you to bag all the courage, hope, faith and guts you can get. The Big Guy is never all too late or early for you.

And yes, after long hours of searching with no more convenient stores on sight, we were forced to stop. The night is not getting any younger, the new day is already peeking. This is what we’ve got after all our chasing hopes.

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It wasn’t bad, though. It was a quite a unique walk. It’s different when you walk with people that don’t just give up in a snap. They’re really cool doing so. Ergo, we had the chance to celebrate Sir Rei’s birthday at its appointed date. Haha. Yes, we were at the road until the wee hours of the morning and were eating quite the worth of our pagod.

There. Although we didn’t get what we exactly wanted, maybe it’s not about getting it really, it’s about the attitude and perspective while at it. While at the journey. You know, life will entails you to give it your all and its unfair trial will, sometimes, lead you to disappointment. But, the Big Guy is just a sweet man. More than getting where you want and what you want, He develops your character while getting where He wants you to be and getting what He wants you to get.

In the meantime, you have to keep up with a view of fresh eyes on each situation you’re in. With that, I’ll leave you with my Moodboard (this is for the month of April): Renew Your Mind.

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Be your best and enjoy the journey! Cheers! :)