I Agree. It’s Magic Beans.

I’ve always find comfort in being with group of friends or close relatives or just about other people. It makes you feel like you belong. It makes you feel like you’re not an outcast in a world where being alone is synonymous to uncool. Like everybody else, until today, I still, you know, want to be cool – to fit in and not to be out of place, to simply belong.

When I was growing up, I don’t know how can a person be happy when they have no one there with them – when walking in the streets, buying clothes at the mall, eating in a restaurant, etc. There’s no one to talk to, to laugh with, to sing with, to mess around with. How’s that? I mean, how could someone be in a state of cloud nine moments when on that? Aloneness, I thought, is not a negotiable-withstandable art of life.

Aloneness…

Aloneness…

Aloneness… turns out to be fine. And not just fine fine, but, it’s okay, it’s alright, it’s actually cool. Sooner or later you got to learn that the people you always expect to be there won’t always be there. Leaving is an integral part of life. Ending signifies a new beginning. I all the more appreciated alone time when the real world strikes up with a flash in my eyes. It made me realize that the wind won’t always turn the right way around, the waves do come and go, the day always ends in a night. And people, friends, or whoever else are also like that – once upon a time they are in your life and swoosh! and they’re gone. And you got to deal with it and it meant to be dealt more of your time alone.

But you see, the time you spent with yourself is your Me Time – you do something for yourself to escape the hustles and bustles of the busy construction road of life to take a most deserved rest to think things over, to mend a broken heart, to gather a lost self-esteem, to be weird and be disgusting, to just talk with your Master. Through aloneness, you listen more, you understand more, you observe more, you can eat more, you can write more, you can be yourself more.

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Tonight, I’m on the eat and write more mode of my Me Time. And this Big N’ Tasty is some big help (which will let you end with a big ogre burp!). :)

Never ever be deceived that being alone is totally not cool. Because I tell you, it is. There is peace and freedom and independence in a new kind of level. It’s coolness in a whole new kind of level too. And besides, you got to learn more about yourself – what you hate, what you like, what annoys you, what angers you, what makes you fall in love. Aloneness gives you a special relationship you can have in this world: a relationship with yourself and eventually, a relationship with the most perfect Gentleman who always has your best interest at heart, and he’s name is Jesus. :)

When being with other people is like blowing dandelions in summer time, being alone is being able to see dandelions you blew when the weather isn’t perfectly fine. Interrelationship is just as important as your intrarelationship. So, find some time with yourself and you might just discover a whole new you you haven’t known for quite a while now. It’s true what Isabel said about being alone, it is, indeed, magic beans! :)

Things I love (learned to love or is still on the process of loving) to do when I’m alone:
•Going to the parlor and getting my nails and hair done.
•Dining somewhere I haven’t been before.
•Eating / drinking something I haven’t ate / drunk before (of course with exception of alcoholic beverages).
•Reading books.
•Writing entries for my blog(s) – napakafeeling writer lang!
•Traveling or commuting with John Mayer or Jason Mraz or Lifehouse or Switchfoot or whoever artists in my playlists playing on the background (this is my best Me Time!)
•People watching.
•Buying stuff for myself.
•Talking to myself or to the Big Guy.
•Doing things out of spontaneity.

What about you? What do you love doing when you’re alone?

Well, whatever it is, I hope you find joy in the stillness of just being with yourself. Life is somehow celebrated that way.

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Ten Things I Know To Be True

This list is inspired by Sarah Kay. I promise to write about her amazingness soon! :) For now let’s go over my list…

1. I can over think things.
When I found out that one should not think too hard and just go ahead and enlist their answers to this question, my mind kept wallowing on what I think could be a good idea to put on this list. I just kept doing that until I am quite dizzy and not knowing what to put in anymore. So, I’ll just made a rule to let myself be myself and not complicate things when I do not become myself. Over thinking can sometimes spoil the broth. I shall let myself relax.

2. We all got Faith.
In just about everything we do, we exercise our faith, we have it inside each of us – when sitting on a chair, riding in the car, talking to someone on our mobile phones, cooking our favorite meals, believing in what we can do, believing on what God can do, and many more. We all got faith, it’s the object of our faith that differs. And although we may be totally sincere in our faith, sometimes, we can get all rumbled up in a wrong one which could lead us to a tragic end. So that’s why it’s of great importance to know where you place your faith and if it really is sincerely on the right track of the road.

3. I felt a bit sad when Pluto got voted off the nine planets in the Solar System.
After years of research, they found out that Pluto is not really a planet, it’s just a comet or something else that is part of the space. It reminded me how certain things in life don’t stay the same and that you had to let it go, let it be and accept it with all your heart and understanding. Though there may be confusion and refusal and pain, nothing ever really stays the same. Believe that there’s gonna be a light at the end of the tunnel someday.

4. You are only as strongest as your weakest point.
I believe that blisters, wounds and scars are not designed just to give us throes, tingles and twinges. It’s meant for something more that’s why we go through it sunny bright or chilly winter night. How else can we value successes if not for failures? How else can we appreciate victory without defeat? How else can we be grateful for mercy and grace and love when we know we don’t deserve any of it because of all we’ve done wrong? How else can hope mean something more when we haven’t gone through desperations and tough times? The world may be made out of sugar and it crumbles down, but, don’t be afraid to stick your tongue out in the air and taste it.

Perhaps strength doesn’t reside in having never been broken.. But in the courage required to grow stronger in the broken places.

5. Hope is fluffy and whole lot of lovely.
Somebody once said, we see the impossible everyday. Impossible is trying to connect in this world, trying to hold on to others when things blow up around you. Hope is a fireball of doing the impossible, believing the unbelievable, loving the unlovable. It teaches us to swim the depths of the ocean as if we can gasp air in any minute. It is a mustard seed and a very close relative of Faith.

To have Faith is to be stubborn, to know the happy endings exist, to believe the story is not over even though it feels like it is. It is for the crazy and the brave.

-Isabel Garcia

It even move mountains. It’s the smile in the frown, the courage in the fear, the tranquility in anxiousness. It’s the many oxymorons. It’s hope and it’s beautiful.

6. Practice makes permanent.
Jeff Goins once said, If you want to be something – anything – a good place to start is with doing it, regardless of how you feel.

When I started blogging/writing, I never knew how this would all turn around over time. I was never born a writer and I believe writers are born and not made. It is innate in them, you know, it’s like writing comes out naturally like a hug or kiss you voluntarily give to someone who is very close to you. It’s like their best stature – their moment of writing. And there I was one day, trying to squeeze myself in that same kind of art where your experience makes a lot more fun and confusion takes a toll on your understanding when it’s all written down. And now, my secret love affair with words and poetry are all out an open field. I’m quite happy reaping its harvest. And yes, it’s true what they say about practice. Do it. Be it.

7. You are beautiful.
No matter what the television says nor the magazine’s latest issue nor the radio’s nonsense advertisements. The heck with the world! You are still beautiful.

Wearing your retainers and big dark glasses with all your sweatpants even when you’re twenty-two doesn’t make you less interesting. Your mocha toned skin just suits you right. When they say that boys don’t cry and you, on the other, do when you were happy because your baby sister received her valedictory award at school or when you got your heart broken from the wrong girl, that’s reasonable.

People in this world sometimes can be discouraging and they will peel you off the sunbeam you’re radiating. As long as you got love sprinkled with faith and hope and grace, you are beautiful. Rise above the situation and hand them flyers on bravery, strength and courage because you are beautiful.

8. Unlike Superman, Batman can’t fly.
Even in that situation, Batman didn’t stop helping, he didn’t stop caring, he didn’t stop being a hero. We are our own heroes even if we don’t get to fly and have our own superpowers. The only thing we can bring forth as a weapon in this course of life is the courage and hope and faith to the One who can empower us. Offering our service to others need not to be grand, in our own little ways, our random act of kindness to a friend or a stranger can make a difference.

9. Fear is a friend that’s misunderstood.
We all have fears. It creeps in every night in the dark. Fear is a natural emotion designed by God, however, fearfulness is living in a state of fear and is not designed by God. Sometimes we don’t wanna face our giants and we just wanna run. But if you do and you bring with you the voice of Truth, you’ll see that the stone is just the right size to put your giants on the ground. The waves don’t seem so high when you’re on top of them looking down. You will soar with the wings of eagle when you listen to the sound of Jesus’ singing over you.

10. I go to seek the Great Perhaps.
We need never be hopeless because we can never be irreparably broken. We think that we are invincible because we are. We cannot be born, and we cannot die. Like all energy, we can only change shapes and sizes and manifestations. Our own Great Perhaps is out there somewhere in the woods across the sea in the dark forest. We may encounter thorns and bushes and labyrinths on our way but never fret and never worry. Choose the labyrinth. The labyrinth blows but choose it.

There’ll be days like these, my mama said, when you open your hands to catch and wind up with only blisters and bruises. When you step out of the phone booth and try to fly and the very people you wanna save are the ones standing in your cape. When your boots will fill with rain and you’ll be up to your knees in disappointment. And those are the very days you have all the more reason to say ‘thank You’ ‘coz there’s nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shorelines no matter how many times it’s sent away.

-Sarah Kay

We can face our own Great Perhaps with our backpacks full of sunshine and pixie dust of courage and never giving up. It will be scary but remember the numbers 2 – 9 of this list. Plus, know that everything happens for a reason. The Big Guy doesn’t roll a dice so don’t be afraid. He’s in control.

With that, I shall give you my (on-time, finally!) Moodboard for June: Seek the Great Perhaps. :)

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Whatever with the past has gone, the best is always yet to come.

Btw, have you counted how many times I said the word courage, faith and hope in the list? Yes, I said it all too many times so that we’ll never forget it. Above all these, Love is still the greatest! :)

Be blessed! Cheers! :D

The Thought of You Always Leads to a Haircut

You are the little girl in nursery class who threw my metallic bag that spilled my baby cologne down the trash bin when we were four years old. You even lied about it like the way you did when our teacher asked who among the class correctly pronounced the word “Christmas” to which us kids won’t really get the first time but I have, unawarely, read out loud.

You are the sixth grade classmate who laughed at me because I can’t get the right spelling of a Tagalog word in the class competition that made our team placed last because of my participation. When I sat down my table, you even asked me why did I had such a hard time spelling out the easiest word given among team representatives.

You are the insubordinate group member in the Noli Me Tangere play who refused to follow whatever, I, as a leader said about rehearsing the lines. You just go ahead and excuse yourself every now and then to take a break without my permission. You are the eyes that despised my presence and the lips that said nasty things about me.

You are the guy with different set of friends apart from mine but get along with me and my music really really fine. We even got a special bond which always reminds me of the guy in the hallway from Sophomore year who I invested quite a lot of live wire of emotional hormones. It was, it will never be, neither you or him, for me.

You are the middle-aged woman who was not convinced with my smile and thought that my face always looks like frowning which made me look more than my age. You repeatedly said that and I started to believe it.

You are the so many things that discouraged, bruised and pushed people down. You are the fearful and the lover of doubt who masters worry like her second language. You are the loser, the defeated, the abandoned.

Even out of all these, let’s not forget that you are also the kid who stayed strong after finding her bag and baby cologne in the dump – picking it up and going back to class like nothing happened.

You are outraging courage who managed to look at things on the brighter side of, not only situations, but of each and every person you meet. You are forgiveness and five gallons of understanding even it’s a darn hard thing to do. You are believer, fighter, hope-bearer. You are proof that in any lose-some moments, you are the star in the starting over. And you’ll do it again and again and again. You are candle lit in the darkness and made everyone see. You are a combination of the hurt knocking from the past and the joy pushing you to continue the journey called life.

You are all these. And when I think of you, I know it is just about the right time to stroll down the parlor to give my messy uncombed hair…

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(Or maybe not so much of a messy hair) its most deserved break.

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It’s what I got to do to remember that I can breathe, rest and take time. It’s a reminder that someday, someday, I can embrace Change with fervent passion and excitement. :)

That Groovy Kind of Thing

Earlier this week, I got to watch one of the sweetest proposal made in mankind ever. I can exaggerate on that statement, and you may have a different opinion, and I still won’t care. HAHA! For me, when Paolo Valenciano pops the proposal question to his girlfriend Sam Godinez, I felt like Is there somebody in the room who wants to give me an equally genuine proposal too? Lo and behold, there was none, only crickets saying kru kru kru and move on, will you! HAHA!

This is my evidence of a bucketful of sugary-flavored feelings. : )

And because I wanted to capture the beauty and sincerity of Paolo’s words, I jotted it down for you (actually for me). Here’s what Paolo said all throughout the nerve-wracking proposal to a long-time girlfriend.

There’s somebody very special here with me tonight.

I wanna talk about somebody who gave me the best six years of my life. She always complains that I never talk, I don’t care, I never tell her how I feel. Well tonight, I wanna let everybody here now know how I feel – she’s given me the best six years of my life and it changed me a lot.

Sam, you know, I wanna wake up every morning seeing your face; and you know, I want you to nag me every night to ask me where I am. I want to make lots of little Paolos and little Sams.

So, uh, I wanna take care of you for the rest of my life and I was just wondering if, you know, will you marry me?

I wanted to include all the filters in the transcript because I totally find it cute – especially when Pao (wow, close lang kame!) is stuttering and almost never finish the whole sentence because he isn’t suppose to cry, but he did– but then I didn’t na lang. Nevertheless, I think the sweetest thing a man can do to her lady is to cry for her, not only in pain, but also in times when he recalls how much he loved and valued her. It’s all sorts of wonderful.

Going back, Pao did not end with a question (to which Sam and I answered Yes), but with a song Ikaw Lamang. He started singing the lines…

Ang puso ko’y ibibigay lamang sa’yo
Ito ang aking pangako
Mula ngayon hanggang magpakailan pa man
Ikaw lamang

In English, I promise that my heart only belongs to you from now until forever. It’s you I will only love. I don’t know if I gave justice translating what the song means because it’s just very beautiful and deep and heartfelt when it is in Tagalog. That’s the power of our language, folks! It stirs you inside out. There’s no amount of translation can equate to what it means. And I love it like that.

See, for all the guys out there, that’s the way you do it. Haha! Never mind your disposition, never mind your nerves, never mind letting other people, or a lot of people, see you cry just to declare a love that you know and felt will last for a lifetime. I always admired guys who can cry when they need to, I find sincerity and vulnerability and comfort in that.

Even when others see love as over-rated, I’m convinced that it’s not. It’s the fire that keeps you going, the inspiration that keeps you fighting, the magic that keeps you flying, the masterpiece that keeps you and your heart shining. Love, love is just about the one thing you could keep and well, love, in this world. It is made for us, each and one of us.

I am twenty and turning twenty-one before the year ends and unlike most of the kids my age, or less than my age, I haven’t gone through any relationship. In Filipino culture, we call that NBSB a.k.a “no boyfriend since birth”. I was never bothered by that thought, though; I was never pressured to have or to be in a relationship. My mother, I know, she wanted me to finish studies before I go through all that boyfriend-girlfriend thing. College is done for me and I still don’t intend to go valley high and find the love of my life.

Don’t get me wrong, I wanted, I really do, to find the perfect match for me. I belong to the group of I-believe-in-fairytales-and-happy-endings-true-love-pixie-dust-shooting-stars. I got a lot of crushes (and one or two which I keep in my heart) just like every female specie alive.

I know when love arrives, it’ll keep me awake until the wee hours of the morning with non-stop chatting and ear to ear churning. It’ll be my umbrella in the rain or the shade in the sunlight. It’ll be a shoulder to rely on when things numb and break and crush that fragile beating called heart. It’ll be the wings beneath my gilded wings as Kimmy Go Donghae said it. It’ll know no difference in falling stars and shooting stars, but it’ll keep my wishes.

I know when love arrives, it can be scary, it can be lost, it can end. But you know, in fear, you’ll find trust; in losing, you’ll get found; in ending, you’ll be starting a new beginning. Love as it is, love is all sorts of wonderful.

I don’t know when will love arrive to me. But when it does, I’ll know it, I’ll know it in my heart – just like Primrose Squarp – without any reason. I might not be prepared and it may caught me off guard, like Sam when Paolo proposed, but that love, that groovy kind of thing will take you and let you go places in a roller coaster ride of emotions – even in pain, you trust; even in the laughter, there are tears dripping of your face; even in darkness, you can see; even in doubt, you can trust and hope and keep on loving. :)

Dear Abby

If Isa Garcia has Dear Patty, I got something for you Abby! Haha!

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Hence the title. :)

It’s hard to say goodbye to someone you barely even had a chance to be with (but you would love to bond with) for quite sometime. It’s like eating an 18-inch New York’s Finest pizza with only three minutes on your shot clock – as much as you wanted to enjoy very bite of it, you have to let go once the clock strikes three. It’s hard. It’s like you haven’t even said the how are you after the Hi and yet you are bound to say goodbye. Oh well, life gets unpredictable like that – the beauty, you see, is in the simplest things before the boat splashed onto the rocks of the high waters.

Dear (Ate) Abby, we don’t have a lot of memories but I do remember moments when your being genuine, sincere and dependent on God made me admire you on a high level (well, all the girls too at DGroup had a fair share of my admirations – you guys inspire me A LOT). That’s apart from your confidence and strong personality which I think, is just an overflow of your love for something, for Someone greater.

It is sweet of you when you asked me if I wanted to taste the Ginger Ale you bought on your way to our DGroup one Thursday night. When I said it’s okay, and you thought I don’t like to taste it, I really meant yes I wanted to taste. Haha! It’s just that sometimes I get dumbfounded and tongue-tied when talking to people who I only met for the first time. I’m not so good with that. But you, you effortlessly can ask a total stranger if she wanted a drink you bought. And I thought you are cool doing so. You see, people who do acts of random kindness to me, I make a big deal out of whatever small they did. That’s because, the simplest things are what can touch the beating human heart. And you touched mine since then.

And then couple of weeks later, you were chosen to host the Networking Event. You were not shy. You were confident being the Master of Ceremonies and Games. Yes, you were confident but definitely grounded. It’s not something you did to get praise from people. It’s something you did for God’s people to praise and fellowship together. That’s another point for admiration. When the time of worship came, I saw how you sing – it’s with heart, passion and fire. It’s your declaration of your love for our Father. I was blessed by that.

In a short span of knowing you, you modeled one thing to me: you are living and totally devoted to our good Lord. In fact, your life and actions carry out the gospel. It carries out Christ. It’s wonderful. It’s priceless.

You showed me (even the rest of the girls) how sweet it is to be in the presence of the Almighty – being succumbed with His great big plans, stepping out of your comfort zone to do His will, and sharing Him to others just because you are living for Him. It’s ohhh-some dearest Abby.

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You had been one fruitful branch among these. :)

Now that you’re off to somewhere where you’d be independent most of the time, I pray that you would continue to live in Christ and with Christ. Be that woman full of confidence, not on her own strength, but of her Father. Be hopeful and hold on to faith when you lose sight of the shore. Be not afraid to live and breathe and let go. Do things you never thought of doing and learn from them. Go play in the mud when it rains. There may be bruises and scars along the way but you’ll need them; they’re like weapons of how you were trained to be a fighter. Be that fighter of life, courageous and true.

Dear Abby, may favor be on you. May the angels protect you. Know that I, even when we haven’t had a lot of memories, and the rest of the girls in our DGroup will definitely miss you!

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I don’t know when you’d be able to read this (or maybe not), but we’ll pray for you. Have a safe trip Abby! :)

Everything On A Waffle

I can’t believe I’m finally able to write this. I’ve been waiting for months!

Remember when I told you reading + writing weren’t my first loves, but because of influence, I tried my hardest to get involve in those cycles? I would be forever thankful for my college peeps for that tremendous influence they impressed on me. Unsolicited advice for freshies: be discerning in choosing waves to follow. :)

Up to this day, the smell of old books (or all books in general) at thrift stores or at well-known bookstores is a fragrant deal for me. And whenever I visit them (especially secondhand-book-stores) I always end up going out with one or two books already at hand. It’s funny because it’s like I’m a book-collector since not all of ’em books which I bought before I was able to finish up to today. Just the same, I end up buying another set of books when placed inside a bookstore.

Anyhoooz, that’s my quite long intro for the book I’ve read (finally, after a year and a half of it staying in the shelf) last February. It is a book written by Polly Horvath and is entitled Everything On A Waffle.

I’ve wanted to make a sort-of-in-a-way-kinda-like mini review on it. Well, not totally the review “review” as in intense, no. I’m just gonna share how the story was able to connect to me, or was it really able to, and things like that. So yeah, with not much tattling, I should start. Haha!

***

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Haven’t you ever just known something deep in your heart without a reason? That’s the question the book posted. I think Polly wrote something here about hope and faith and life that even a child can understand. It’s something deep especially on the perspective of the main child character–Primrose Squarp.

So, have I ever, like Prim, known something deep inside my heart without a reason? What Prim encountered is the lost of her parents after the storm. It’s too much for a child, but she believed in her heart that they’re just there somewhere in the sea. While others believed that they’re gone and are not coming back, the faith of this little child is so big that it surpasses all their doubts. She went from the custody of Miss Perfidy to his uncle to an old couple, made friends with a dog and Miss Bowzer of The Girl in the Red Swing whose dishes are all served with a waffle, lost not only her parents but a baby toe and a part of her index finger as well. She’s been through a lot; faith and hope was her only weapon to battle through. It was inspiring because grown-ups tend to let things slide sometimes, not like kids. Grown-ups tend to stick with what they know is true but kids they can believe on something else, something beyond what’s true. Kids are genuinely sincere on what they believed in and for Prim, her truth is that her parents are still alive and they’ll be able to get back soon. It was that truth in her heart she carried all along.

I don’t know but I think Hope is what will make you believe something you can’t even explain. It’s the same as faith. It’s the same as love. It needs no reason. I know we all have that Prim-like or child-like faith, we use that everyday when we choose to believe the beauty of each circumstances; the goodness in every person on the road; the humor in whatever situation; the success in failure; the rainbow after the rain. There’s a lot of things like that. However, in today’s world where everything is fast-paced, sometimes we skip on believing and seeing these things happen. We choose to go our own way and do everything in whatever way we possibly can. Nothing wrong with that, but sometimes, we need to stop. We have to admit we need help. We have to look things in another perspective.

There’s a song lyric that goes Life, even when it gets you down, Hope will turn it all around. Life is never easy. It can bombard you with too much problem you think you can’t handle but you can. We have to remember, like Prim did, that everything happens for a reason and you got to believe in Hope even when sometimes they call it radical and unreasonable. Then, maybe, we’ll find what we’re looking for, we’ll receive what we’re praying for, we’ll understand what our journey in this life for; just like how Prim found her parents again. It’s in the journey where we learn most before we proceed to our destination. We might not like the ingredients stuffed in our own waffles and it may take a while before we consider indulging in it, but once we do, once we take that bite, we’ll know it’s good. Life is gonna be good. :)

Here are my favorite lines throughout the book (just because I like quoting it like that).

I am not in the body of life. I hover on the extremities. I float.

-Primrose

I don’t know what you think the story of Jonah is about, Miss Perfidy. But to me, it is about how hopeful the human heart is.

-Primrose

My mother says no one is a pacifist at heart. At heart, we’re all violent raging wolves, but in our actions we can be pacifists.

-Primrose

We all live in a world of seen and unseen.

-Primrose

And then this storm thing came up, so I guess you can’t really protect people anyhow. Or if you protect them from one thing, up and comes another.

-Primrose

You can be sunk low as a skunk and still have a joy in your heart. Joy just lives like one of those gyroscope in your chest. It don’t seem to have any connection to circumstance, good or bad.

-Evie

Being together, like being able to see certain stars only with your peripheral vision, isn’t something you can create. It’s just something that happens to you.

-Primrose

So, there’s always a bright side.

-Bert

In the worst of times I find there’s always something useful you can do with your hands.

-Evie

The only really interesting thing about someone that makes you want to explore them further is their heart, and if someone has a teeny tiny pea-sized one, it takes you nowhere to go.

-Miss Bowzer

Things that you find out become the places that you go; and sometimes, you find them out by being jettisoned off alone, and the other times it is the people who choose to stand by your side who give you the clues. But the important things that happen to you will happen to you even in the smallest places.

-Primrose

Jacob and I

Do you know how certain things, ideas or concepts sometimes doesn’t make sense in your point of view? Like no matter what angle you take a look on the sides of the coin, you don’t see a totem that was supposed to be there? It’s just wasn’t there and your perplexed mind then don’t see how much that coin’s worth?

If there’s someone in history that I can’t comprehend or sympathize with for quite a long time now is this Genesis-28-guy, Jacob. I don’t really get the point of him being chosen – at all. I don’t get it. I don’t accept it. I really don’t understand it. When I heard preachings about Jacob, I got mood-blank verges. I never enjoyed discussing him, BUT, I tried.

Miles Halter of Looking For Alaska once said,

But we can’t know better until knowing better became useless.

I tried my hardest to cope up with my I-don’t-quite-like-this-Jacob-guy protest because I know there’s something in him, in his story, that sets the tone on a different note. I don’t wanna risk the opportunity of not giving the guy a chance. After all, it might be that I’m on another chapter of the page that’s why I don’t see any significant narrative scripts at all. And yes, I wanna know better details about him now before I regret not knowing these details later. Ha! Are we still communicating? In other words, do you still get me or what I say? Pardon me, I’m hazy somemost times.

Alright, you might wonder why am I treating Jacob like this anyways? I got two reasons.

For one, he is chosen. If you’ll go through his account and story in Genesis, it will show you that even before he was born, he was already chosen by God (Genesis 25:23). He is the youngest, but he was bound to be blessed than his older brother.

Secondly, he is chosen but he seemed not worthy of a choice. He is a liar, a schemer and a deceiver (Genesis 27). To get the blessing dedicated to his brother, he deceived his father. It’s awful, right?

I am actually debating this in my mind. See, God is the God of Justice – He is fair to everyone. But, why does He need to choose? And between Jacob and his older brother, Esau, why choose the younger one? Why did God has this plan of the younger leading the older? Another question that pops out of my mind is that, yes the Big Guy already chosen someone – but then, how can you be choosing someone who is like him? I felt like in so many ways, Jacob doesn’t deserve to be chosen.

When I’m pondering on these thoughts one day, reality hit me like a train on a rack. I don’t suppose to question God’s choice or His decision because I cannot fathom the mind of Christ at all. He knows what to do, He is God. And then, I realize I am categorizing Jacob as a “bad guy” in my mind. If you’re going to choose someone to make a difference in the world and lay out your plan for mankind, you should pick the better guy instead. Yes, I was so judgmental on Jacob that I forgot that indeed, God is the God fairness and equality. I didn’t see that I was trying to be told here that even out of Jacob’s ugly past, his imperfections, God chose him just as He chose you. Just as He chose me.

You know, Jacob at the end, understood God – His presence, protection and favor He gave him. After he experienced a taste of his own medicine when he himself was the object of lying, scheming and deceiving by his father-in-law, he was astound by how God kept him. And right there and then, he chose to follow God.

I was mad about God picking Jacob that I forgot that if that’s the case, I should be mad about why God picked me as well – a worrier, doubtful person, no talent, ordinary, a wallflower, failure in many ways and a bad girl stained with imperfection. Upon realizing that, I understood now why Jacob was chosen. God wants me to see that He can use even a schemer to impact the present with that story of his past. It won’t happen that way, though, if Jacob didn’t choose God. But gratefully, he did. And there’s something we can look back to now.

God loves and chooses us first before we love and choose Him back. He is a perfect gentleman, he’ll take ninety steps towards you but you gonna make that last step to Him. He will not force you or me to go to Him, He will wait there. Patiently.

Wouldn’t it make you extremely joyful that even you’re not an all-time good person, God chose you despite of it? I think it’s comforting to play in the arena if your Team Captain chose you despite the fact that you cannot even dribble the ball properly. It’s like, you’ve been allowed to play in Miami versus Thunders NBA Finals even when your field of expertise is something very far from it.

I don’t know about you, but knowing that I’m chosen even I’m me (translation: imperfect), that means a lot. And I hope I do the right things in bestest way to make my Coach proud. After all, He saw me as someone worthy of a chance when I, myself doesn’t see which side of me is that. :)