I know, this has taken so long before I decided to write this all down. Frankly, I don’t have an idea as to how I will start writing this and the strength to continue doing it until I can finally reach the end of this stream of thoughts where I can finally make sense of the boat waiting to cross over the other side of the river.
I guess, even on this tiny white internet space, I can’t find the courage to face the word: goodbye…
Tragic, isn’t it? How people cannot comprehend distance, time and lost? Well, not the actual lost but the thought of someone they cared for, leaving? And people, people will do all kinds of stubborn things to ignore the idea of someone they cherished is already 1400 miles away .
Is there a word for hating someone leaving? That someone, who you spent hours, days, weeks and months of getting connected in a much deeper level, gone? Is there a word for that? Is there a word for making yourself believe that this other side of the world apart from yours is measured only by breath? That when I blow this candle on a birthday cake, you would still feel the candle’s heat? Is there a word for all the clichés that continues to hang in the air like Metro Manila pollution? The trigger-point of these endless questions stinging the walls of my mind like how Peeta slammed on the force field wall in the Hunger Games Quarter Quell?
Maybe not everything can be delineated in a word. Maybe not every emotion can fit in a poetry; there’s so much left unsaid. Maybe goodbye has always meant so much more than just parting ways. And maybe leaving is not certainly abandonment.
Because leaving does not always mean betrayal. And I think that, sometimes, we’re not particularly afraid of losing people. What we’re really afraid of is having to learn to do life without them. Because, ultimately, we are creatures of habit and comfort.
Dear Girlie, I know you did not abandon us. It’s just that
I am a creature of habit and comfort you are ordered by the Higher Up to conquer more borders, to bring more ships to the coast and to help those who were stranded in the middle of a chaotic island back to the stillness of Home. You fervently asked and knocked the gates of heavens for this desire of yours and you have been permitted to do it to accomplish His purpose and to witness the majestic favors He has poured on you.
It wasn’t an easy bargain from the start, but admit it, His sense of humor is truly amazing. He has made, not only you, but us (in the Dgroup) see how things work out together for the good of those who love Him and do things according to His will. I praise God for your heart that has patiently waited for the go signal before leaving the fields. He has crafted your attitude of dependence on His grace and the humility of your whole being. It is such a blessing to see how you have addressed your concerns to Him and bringing forth more than 365 pales of faith for the journey.
I thank you for sharing all the wonderful memories with me (us) even though it’s not that too many in terms of quantity. But I genuinely appreciate the times I had spent with you because you made me feel you. And you have been one inspiration. You inspired me with your dedication for work , for God’s word and for life itself. Thank you for riding on the Sarah Kay madness, the blogging madness (although you are at this for a long time already), the friendship madness and even my own madness. Haha! Your happy spirit is also a favorite!
Even I have tendencies to not understand distance, I know one thing for sure, our current goodbye is not measurable by length, time or space; and leaving, leaving is for the brave. You are brave!
When there would be times where you would be submerged deep down the murky waters, always remember that Faith will let you see things through. Our hands, you can hold them, when you’re feet is tired of running. We will reserve you more pockets full of sunshine so that when you need it as umbrella for a stormy weather, we will throw it in the air, like million bits of pieces, like stars. It will shine on you, too bright that it would make you close your eyes and realize that nothing is as good as a simple prayer of thanks to the Father.
And even when reality makes you cry because of it’s harshness apart from all our poetry combined, we will tap your back and cry with you. Because crying is like rain, it washes everything, it washes the pain and the fear inside. And then, when it’s time to get back up and you still don’t want to, we will drag you down the porch for you to see the sunrise. And we could only hope that that can make you once again realize the beauty of life. There would be bumpy roads ahead, but, we will wait for you until you can visit us again, not only in dreamland, but in our homeland.
I could go on with all my metaphors but the bottomline of all these is not goodbye, but a See you soon, Girlie! We will miss you! I’ll miss you and our rolling eyes! :P
I’m starting to be allergic at the Dear (blanks) in my title. It always suggest someone going far away. Ha! :P