It does not care whether you’re hurt after you fell off climbing the tree you’ve always wanted to pick your favorite fruit from; it will still let the bees find you and sting you until you recognize Pain and think as if it can kill you. The Pain that will make you want to curse because you feel betrayed. The Pain that pierces through the heart, so hard, like a bullet hitting the glass window and leaving it shattered and useless. The Pain that will convince you that tears are made of seawater because it taste like salt. The Pain that no matter wherever you go or whatever you do, will haunt you, like a nightmare washing away the rainbows in all of your good dreams – sudden and cruel.
Why does it have to be like that? Why do you even feel such things as Pain or Sadness or Anger? Why does it always have to be like your heart is taken out from your chest and placed in front of your face just for you to find out that your blood do really smell like a rusty roof in an abandoned building? Why does reality even bother you when you’ve blasted out Silence in its full volume from your headphones? And finally, why do bad days exist?
Somebody once said: Life is 90% of what happens to us and 10% of how we react on it.
My theory is about moments – moments of impact. My theory is that these moments of impact, these flashes of completely high intensity that could turn our lives upside down, actually end up defining who we are.
(Leo, The Vow)
Not every moment is a high-intensity-kind-of-moment; some, like having Bad Days and questioning Life about its existent, is one kind of moment. This is where Life gets a little bit sh*tty when you don’t have the patience to endure all its crap. This is where it slap you in the face even you felt that you’re the last person on earth who deserved to be treated in an awful way. This is where it declares war against everything you got under your control. This is where everything happens; this is where it shows you the possibility that whatever you got going on can be twisted like a broken symphony. After Life had rained its 90% under This Is What I Want To Give You Today Department, it will hand you your 10% to choose whether to sigh, to cry, to breakdown, to be angry, to feel pain, to dwell with sadness, to decide whichever way you want…to just do something about it. Your 10% shot at life could really end up defining who you are – after all, you are defined by your choices.
In my 21 years on Earth, I still get dumbfounded when bad days came lounging around the corridors of my already-disturbed-mind and my already-intolerant-of-pain-heart. I, often times, waste my 10% when Life gives me its hardcore 90. I think Crisis Management (when it comes to my life and the way I handle it in trials) would still be included in my I Got To Work On These Things List. It is never easy, my friend. Never. Easy.
Bad Days + Pain + Confusion + Whatever Life Throws At You = An opportunity for you/us to depend on Someone that could carry the heaviest burdens we could ever have on our shoulders. That although Life makes us look back on the choices on where we got it wrong, Someone can make all those choices turn out for something good and better, it would be a way to strengthen and build our character. There is that Someone, capital S, who will be in our rescue. He will never, ever, ever leave us hanging at the edge of a cliff without a skosh of hope that we can return back into the Safe. It’s just that, sometimes, it takes Him to break us so He could remold us into the kind of person He wants us to be. I believe, we ought to trust that, we ought to trust Him.
What to do with Life when it comes punching you to the stomach? Do as John Green says, feel the pain. Feel every muscle that contract and sore with that hard hitting punch that could also remind your lungs how it liked the taste of air. Feel the pain because it demands to be felt. Feel the bad days when it surprise you on a supposedly calm Monday morning. Feel Life in all its glorious sense of bullying.
Feel everything. Believe in Someone. Do something.
P.S. I don’t really think that this is a good post to say that Hey, I’m back! Haha! Anyhoo, yeah, I’m back on blogging. More of happy kwentos on some other days soon. :)