Today, we will talk about Love. Yes, I’ll go straight to the point. This is what happens when children grow up, they talk about love and stuff. Haha. Anyways…
Few weeks back, I finally read Joshua Harris’ I Kissed Dating Goodbye.
I’ve seen this book being read by my blockmates back in College; I knew then that it would be something worth reading. But at that time, I got this very little patience when it comes to “practical” books (those that give suggestions on what to do with your life and all that), I’m only fond of reading fiction novels ergo I read no Joshua in College Days. September last year however, when I went to a book fair, I finally decided to buy the book. Oh, please don’t judge if I just read it three weeks ago. ;)
The book got my attention in the first few chapters. A lightning struck; I got hooked. Joshua shared his convictions with regards to dating – if he is not ready for intimacy, for marriage, he will not commit to be in a relationship with someone (even giving hints when there are times that he already got a prospect in mind). He is very ideal. The reason why he decided to choose this path is that he believes that this is what The Lord wanted him to do: to develop intimacy with God and to value relationships with the people surrounding him (not leading them to something that will become confusing and messy, but taking care of them like brothers and sisters).
Joshua considers the plans of The Lord in stored for him and he is willing to wait while he is in the season of singleness in his life. He’s willing to sacrifice the good now in order to get the best later. While in his current season, he wanted to grow deeper in his relationship with God; exploring and obeying where The Lord has placed him to go, to reach out, to serve.
When I was eleven years old, even when I got silly crushes, I was ideal as Joshua’s. While in the middle of reading his book, I found out, ten years after that I made myself vulnerable to compromise. I haven’t been in any relationships ever since although I got this certain person that I really really like and I always thought that if this guy will pursue me, I might say yes. As Joshua says, God placed in our hearts the desire to be in a relationship, to be in a commitment, but we should only do so at the right time, at the right place, with the right person.
I always thank God that He never made this guy that I like pursue me. For one, thank God that the guy doesn’t like me the way I did for him; second, The Lord knows how deceiving my heart can be and I know that He’s protecting me. God will grant my desire of being in a relationship when he knows that I am ready. He doesn’t want me to settle. And I also know that I shouldn’t be equally yoke with an unbeliever. It is hard, yes, but focusing on God will make it easier for us. And I need, like Joshua and all of us Christians, to grow deeper in love with The Lord first and everything will just fall in its right pieces of the puzzle.
I hated that the book revealed my petty desires for the things and persons that I wanted now. Dyahe. Haha. It is also the same reason, however, that I loved it because it speaks of the truth, of what we all should pursue of if we wanted to honor God in our relationships.
I liked that Joshua pointed out our selfish tendencies when we like a person; how we always wanted to know if our feelings are reciprocated and if it were, we feel good. Most times, we only think about what good we can get and love is not like that. Love is thinking of what is best for the other person, it involves wisdom when to know the right timing to be with each other. Of course, it is easier said than done. But we always have to start with our choices. As the old saying goes, nothing worth-having comes out easy.
Hustle while we wait! Lets not just stand here and do nothing. Lets serve God with all our might, focusing our undivided attention to him, seeking to pursue the joy of obeying our Master. Ladies, lets behave like a queen to attract a king. Don’t ever settle. And while we’re here, lets make the most of our time!
As for me, I’m renewing my vows to relationships and commitment, bringing back my eleven to my twenty-one year old self. ;)
Here are some inspiring words from Joshua. :)
Relationships with the opposite sex can no longer be about “having a good time” or “learning what I want in a relationship.” They’re not about getting, but giving. Every relationship for a Christian is an opportunity to love another person as God has loved us. To lay down our desires and do what’s in his or her best interest. To care for him or her even when there’s nothing in it for us. To want that person’s purity and holiness because it pleases God and protects him or her.
True love isn’t just expressed in passionately whispered words or an intimate kiss or an embrace; before two people are married, love is expressed in self-control, patience, even words left unsaid.
And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ. (Philippians 1:9-10) — Let your love get smarter ;)
When we engage in guy-girl relationships, we’re not always choosing between absolute wrong and absolute right. Often the choice is between what’s good and what’s best.
When we make God’s glory and other people’s needs our priority, we position ourselves to receive the greatest joy in our lives as well.
I’m an unworthy sinner that God chose to rescue and forgive. This is love.
Deepening intimacy without defining a level of commitment is dangerous. It’s like going mountain climbing with a partner who isn’t sure she wants the responsibility of holding your rope.
All of us want intimacy. It means being close to someone. It’s being vulnerable, open and dependent. It’s giving to and receiving from another person the deepest parts of who we are–our hopes, our fears, our secrets, our affections. An intimate relationship which we know and are known by another human is one of the most fulfilling and precious parts of life–it’s a gift from God.
In a true friendship you don’t feel pressured by knowing you “like” the other person or that he or she “likes” you back. You feel free to be yourself and do things together without spending three hours in front of the mirror making sure you look perfect.
God gives us singleness — a season of our lives unmatched in its boundless opportunities for growth, learning and service.
True love waits, but not just for sex. It waits for the right time to commit to God’s brand of love — unwavering, unflagging and totally committed.
Too often, people want what they want (or what they think they want, which is usually “happiness” in one form or another) right now. The irony of their impatience is that only by learning to wait, and by a willingness to accept the bad with the good, do we usually attain those things that are truly worthwhile. -William J. Bennett
But God wants us to appreciate the gifts of the present season of our lives. His perfect timing in all things, including our love lives.
God has a perfect plan for your life. More than likely, that plan includes marriage, and if so, somewhere in this world God has the perfect person for you. You may or may not know this person right now. If you spend all your time and energy trying to hunt this person down or (if you’ve already found this person) trying to contain him or her until you can marry, you might actually do that person a disservice.
Waiting for God’s timing requires trusting in His goodness and wisdom. We develop patience as we trust that God denies us what we think is good only because He has something better for us — both now and in the future.
Do you believe that by passing up something good now because it’s the wrong time, God will bring you something better when it is the right time?
When God knows you’re ready for the responsibility of commitment, He’ll reveal the right person under the right circumstances.
But the past needn’t determine our future. We have choices right now how we’ll live. Will we set our hearts on God and walk in His paths?
Times will come in life when you realize you’ve made a mistake. At that moment, you have two choices: you can swallow your pride and ‘pull a few nails,’ or you can foolishly continue your course, hoping the problem will go away. Most of the time the problem only get worse. I’m giving you this tool to remind you of this principle: When you realize you’ve made a mistake, the best thing you can do is tear down the wall and start over.
Whatever tempts you toward discontentment or compromise, don’t put up with it. Tune it out. Turn it off.
When we feel overly concerned about people’s opinions of us, when we concentrate on proving we’re ‘right,’ we’re likely to become defensive and overbearing. But when we make our top priority showing God’s love to others and thinking about their feelings, we’ll find it easier to make wise decisions about what we do and do not say.
Just because something is good doesn’t mean we should gorge on it.
Produce before you consume; serve before you seek entertainment.
The human heart doesn’t like taking orders from the mind. The time will come for all of us when we won’t feel like doing the godly, resposible thing we’ve resolved to do. The question is, how will we respond when our hearts lead a full-scale rebellion?
How to beat infatuation? Don’t nurse a crush. Attraction only grows into infatuation when we pamper it. Each time we find ourselves attracted to someone, we have a choice to either leave it at attraction or allow our imaginations to carry us away.
Self-pity is a sinful response to feelings of loneliness. We don’t sin when we feel lonely or admit a desire for companionship, but we do sin when we use these feelings as an excuse to turn from God and exalt our own needs.
Don’t just stand there! Hustle while you wait!
Yes, we’ll still have a lot of questions — we may not know whom or when we’ll marry. But we must not allow what we can’t know to hinder us from acting on what we do know. And what do we know? We know that we have today to move with resolute energy toward maturity and Christlikeness, a calling of every Christian when he or she will marry next week or ten years from now.
I’m looking for someone who will light candles, not just curse the darkness.
When we find ourselves attracted to someone, we need to make building a deeper friendship our first priority.
I want you to promise not to awaken love until the time is right. -Song of Songs 8:4
Love should not be stirred up before its proper time, because the love relationship, unless carefully guarded, may cause grief instead of the great joy it should bring to the human heart. -Wycliffe Bible Commentary
Personally, I’ve committed to waiting, even for a kiss, until I’m married.
Though it’s hard to imagine, someday I’ll tell my children the story I’m writing with my life today.
History never looks like history when you’re living through it. It always look confusing and messy, and it always feel uncomfortable. -John Gardner
I encourage you (and continue to remind myself) to write a love story with your life that you’ll feel proud to tell.