And Seeing a Rainbow Could Mean Believing that a Clearer Weather will Come After

I was supposed to give a testimonial today to a group of young people down South but, a few weeks ago, I was told of the changes that had to happen. I was taken off the list – nothing personal – because they had to invite a main sharer instead. The theme of the event was about Love and Waiting and my supposed part would be sharing my path in this whole waiting process.

And so, here’s what I would probably share to those kids (read: teens) if I were able to speak to them:

Waiting is never going to be easy. You all know this. Srsly, who likes to wait? We all belong to a generation of impatient humans.

When I was about eleven years old, a freshman high school who thought that my crush has a crush on me, I asked my mom this question: Ma, pwede na ba ako magboyfriend? And to my overly excited hormones, she replied silence. She did not say anything. She just kept quiet. And my young mind did not understand then that probably my mom was praying to the God of Heavens to pacify her daughter who got uncontrollable emotions that could possibly lead to teenage pregnancy, haha.

For me, there’s nothing wrong with the boyfriend-girlfriend thing even at a young age, guaranteed you are guided by your parents, you are obedient to your parents’ guidance, you got solid foundation and you know your limits. I don’t see anything wrong but it’s gonna be a tug of discipline between your parents and your wild heart. If you are prepared to go through some difficult battles at a young strength, then, go. Remember though, the consequences could be a lot tougher if you’re going to be really stubborn in the middle of your journey. I’ve seen few people who succeed in this and I’ve seen a lot who did not. Your choice.

By God’s grace, the younger me managed to graduate high school without having a boyfriend because I don’t know if I could ever resist the temptation of the world if I got what I wanted that early.

I never had a boyfriend in high school and until now but I got crushes. Crushes are life source, promise. They get you to school early because you wanted to pass by that corridor and get your daily dose of “inspiration.” That’s it, that’s their benefit, at least you’re not late.

Having crushes are normal, however, if you will purposely not study so you will stay in the same section as to where your crush is, that is crazy. Kid, you are young and crazy and wasting your opportunity to get more knowledge in your history class. You have to pause and recalibrate your mind. You think staying in the same section can get your crush to have a crush on you? It will never happen. But even if it does happen, it doesn’t change the fact that you’re missing out Nebuchadnezzar in History and it’s actual connection to the story you just read in the Bible.

Do not hurry. High school is just high school, there could be a lot more boys who you could fall in love with in College. Unless you’re in MassCom where statistics could be very well out of proportion. Haha kidding! Your goal shouldn’t be finding love, your goal should be waiting for love to come. And while at it, being the best that you can be. Find your purpose and fulfill it. Go change the world if you think the world needs changing. Or, go change yourself instead. In the meantime, please do good in school. You owe that to God, to yourself, to your hardworking folks, and to your country (yup, your country, the main reason why you memorized Panatang Makabayan).

Time will come when you’ll turn 20-something’s and you’ll now realize that how come everyone got their fair share of another person’s hands, arms and comfort and you – well – you are still you. You don’t have anybody to share that overflowing love in your heart with yet. Yes, you got your family and friends who reciprocate the love, but no someone yet. That different feeling. You don’t have that yet.

You know how it would be totally fine if every now and then, there’s another soul who would tell you that they admire you and would just do things for you and would ask you if you could risk loving them too? Then that makes you single by choice. But what if there’s none? You are just single by default. How does that make you feel? Sometimes you just wanna give up waiting and just wallow into self-pity questioning your worth. You just wanted love anyway, was it too hard to ask for?

There’ll be days when Doubts will come rushing in like tidal waves, pushing all your Brave offshore and far away. When it comes, carry your sunbeams with you, still. You’ve collected one too many along the way. You needed that when everything’s just too clouded and seeing a rainbow could mean believing that a clearer weather will come after.

You know how they say everything’s gonna be worth it in the end? I think they’re not lying.

Love will come when you’re brave enough to wait. Waiting is quite a process. It builds your stomach the abdomen it takes to never settle. We might get a six-pack after all these. And that, kid, is worth the wait.

We should just love them. Hard.


I believe feelings are meant to be acknowledged; feelings are meant to be recognized; feelings are meant to be confirmed. Especially if these feelings are special feelings for someone special. Haha whut? This I repeat my phrases, I forget my tenses, I refuse my inability to make any sense of my words is what happens when I’m writing about the most magical force in the entire universe known as Love and I got specific people in mind to whom I get this consuming fireball of inspiration to blabber about something I don’t entirely know anything about. Love, sometimes, is strange. Love, sometimes, is a stranger. Love is a stranger I’m waiting to meet.

Six years ago, I kept within myself an emotion I deeply wanted to share with someone else but I’m not sure if he’s gonna be more than willing to handle it. In my mind, it was easy to make enough excuses and plenty of reasons as to why I should lock in all those emotions into a box called never mind. I was scared and terrified to bear with the possible truth of a one way love affair. Until now, it haunts me. On some days, I simply wanted to call him over the phone and tell him to come see me at a coffee shop near our place just so I can ask him the questions: Did you ever consider me? Did you ever love me?

Pathetic. HAHA BUT DON’T JUDGE! Those were the exact questions I really – badly – wanted to ask him for me to get over with it. Because c’mon, what are the odds?

That guy from my past, we had this connection. In Greek, we are deeply connected by the very thing that stirs the human core: tekhnē (music). It was that and I believe it was something more than that. But that’s where we started, as per my perspective. That guy and I got constant communication, I don’t completely remember but mostly we talk nonsense and we don’t actually mind wasting our time with this kind of foolishness. Time flew by so fast when we’re together and sometimes I prayed for Time to stop just so I can study his face a little while longer and stare at his beautiful eyes for hours. *cue cringe* From my lenses, we had “the spark.” We got some chemistry going on and we don’t mean science. He was all these sending-butterflies-down-my-belly-everytime-I-see-him and the-very-trip-down-memory-lane-I-don’t-ever-wanna-forget-even-I-ended-up-walking-that-one-way-street-of-Love kind of guy. And I wanted to know if I was all of these for him, too. I guess, I just wanted to know if I ever mattered to him. I wanted to know if we had a shot at chance. Well, I don’t know if getting the answers to all the questions in my head was absolutely necessary.

But you know what, we never really tried. We never got to the edge of confirming anything. I acknowledged and recognized what I felt for him and I stopped there. I never let him knew. The reason being is that I’m a woman and I wanted a man whose gonna confess his feelings for me and not the other way around. I don’t want to take myself away the privilege of being asked. That although I was sure we had something, I cannot hold onto that kind of reality because he did not reinforce this truth. What we had did not equate to what we could have been.

The only thing I’m keeping, however, is the reality that in spite of all my questions, I am certain of the truth that I loved him. We did not progress, but I loved him dearly. Very dearly. And I don’t have any plans of regretting that decision.

I think if we want to love a person, we shouldn’t be cowards. We should just love them. Hard. And if we are blessed with enough courage, we should go right ahead and tell them. Risk. At the end of the day, we never are losers when we love. Even if it’s a love reciprocated or a love that is not.

I Kissed Dating Goodbye: A Review of Some Sort

Today, we will talk about Love. Yes, I’ll go straight to the point. This is what happens when children grow up, they talk about love and stuff. Haha. Anyways…

Few weeks back, I finally read Joshua Harris’ I Kissed Dating Goodbye.


I’ve seen this book being read by my blockmates back in College; I knew then that it would be something worth reading. But at that time, I got this very little patience when it comes to “practical” books (those that give suggestions on what to do with your life and all that), I’m only fond of reading fiction novels ergo I read no Joshua in College Days. September last year however, when I went to a book fair, I finally decided to buy the book. Oh, please don’t judge if I just read it three weeks ago. ;)

The book got my attention in the first few chapters. A lightning struck; I got hooked. Joshua shared his convictions with regards to dating – if he is not ready for intimacy, for marriage, he will not commit to be in a relationship with someone (even giving hints when there are times that he already got a prospect in mind). He is very ideal. The reason why he decided to choose this path is that he believes that this is what The Lord wanted him to do: to develop intimacy with God and to value relationships with the people surrounding him (not leading them to something that will become confusing and messy, but taking care of them like brothers and sisters).

Joshua considers the plans of The Lord in stored for him and he is willing to wait while he is in the season of singleness in his life. He’s willing to sacrifice the good now in order to get the best later. While in his current season, he wanted to grow deeper in his relationship with God; exploring and obeying where The Lord has placed him to go, to reach out, to serve.

When I was eleven years old, even when I got silly crushes, I was ideal as Joshua’s. While in the middle of reading his book, I found out, ten years after that I made myself vulnerable to compromise. I haven’t been in any relationships ever since although I got this certain person that I really really like and I always thought that if this guy will pursue me, I might say yes. As Joshua says, God placed in our hearts the desire to be in a relationship, to be in a commitment, but we should only do so at the right time, at the right place, with the right person.

I always thank God that He never made this guy that I like pursue me. For one, thank God that the guy doesn’t like me the way I did for him; second, The Lord knows how deceiving my heart can be and I know that He’s protecting me. God will grant my desire of being in a relationship when he knows that I am ready. He doesn’t want me to settle. And I also know that I shouldn’t be equally yoke with an unbeliever. It is hard, yes, but focusing on God will make it easier for us. And I need, like Joshua and all of us Christians, to grow deeper in love with The Lord first and everything will just fall in its right pieces of the puzzle.

I hated that the book revealed my petty desires for the things and persons that I wanted now. Dyahe. Haha. It is also the same reason, however, that I loved it because it speaks of the truth, of what we all should pursue of if we wanted to honor God in our relationships.

I liked that Joshua pointed out our selfish tendencies when we like a person; how we always wanted to know if our feelings are reciprocated and if it were, we feel good. Most times, we only think about what good we can get and love is not like that. Love is thinking of what is best for the other person, it involves wisdom when to know the right timing to be with each other. Of course, it is easier said than done. But we always have to start with our choices. As the old saying goes, nothing worth-having comes out easy.

Hustle while we wait! Lets not just stand here and do nothing. Lets serve God with all our might, focusing our undivided attention to him, seeking to pursue the joy of obeying our Master. Ladies, lets behave like a queen to attract a king. Don’t ever settle. And while we’re here, lets make the most of our time!

As for me, I’m renewing my vows to relationships and commitment, bringing back my eleven to my twenty-one year old self. ;)


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Date A Girl Who People-Watch

Date a girl who enjoys some of her time being alone, not because she doesn’t want to be around too many people, but because she knows this is a perfect time to know people.

She’s kind of spontaneous, she goes places unplanned, she does things out of her checklists for the day, she talks to herself (there are times that it can be loud, but just let her do her own thing, she knows when to snap out of it), she makes decisions that can be quite messy and all over the place at times, but, her guilty-pleasure, the very thing she finds delight in doing (aside from grocery shopping) is people-watching. The presence of beaucoup of people in a mall, a park, a subway station, or perhaps anywhere / everywhere is like counting constellations of stars in the night sky for her eyes. For her, it’s kind of a weird-yet-enjoyable side of beautiful.

And no, she’s not the type who makes fun of someone else’s fashion sense, she’s aware that we all got our own frames which serves as the clay in molding our freedom in expressing our own beliefs. She watch people for a number of reasons (and I hope you know that we have reasons that are apart from each others’ convictions and that’s okay… at some point): (a) she doesn’t makes fun of people’s fashion sense but she loves to see how people carry out themselves with their own fashion statements (it’s very interesting if you try and keep an eye with those around you – some are festive and others are plain and there are those who make it to your list of I Would Want to Wear That Someday); (b) she is a curious one, wanting to find out why someone acts in a way that can be mind-boggling at times (this counts for people-watching both friends and strangers); (c) it’s from people who she finds inspiration to do things in life – be loud and letting others hear your voice, say things that you mean and say things that you don’t, go and grow through the pain of losing, it’s okay not to agree all the time, make mistakes, embrace failure, live your life (“participate”). You must know that watching these people inspires her to do her craft, like for one, writing. She brings forth a backpack of everything she’s gone through with everyone she’s been through in a day to whatever she writes or posts in her journal, blog, Instagram, twitter or wherever medium she deems necessary to share her experience with people, with life.

If you still don’t get it, let me tell you, a girl who people-watch can all this time be watching you. But please don’t freak out too much if you caught her staring at you, although, she’ll veer away from eye contact the soonest you get to notice her. You must know, sometimes, she focuses her attention to just one person in the room or at the bus stop or while just walking around. And if you happen to be that person, please don’t threaten her bold eyes seeking for someone to remember from an entire day of activity.Because if you happen to be that person, you’ll probably live for eternity, at least in her journal, because she’s gonna be writing about you. You’ll be immortalized (not only in paper, but, somewhere in her mind or heart too).

Date a girl who people-watch because she can bring herself in understanding you. She’ll know every little detail about you just by observing you: your favorite tv show, kind of music, food you’re allergic to, things that touch the depths of your soul, etcetera etcetera. She can recall the way she felt when she first met you to the day you became friends with her. She always sees a lot of potential in everyone she bumps into along the way, including you. She’s generous in giving praises to people who deserves it (and for her, everyone deserves a tap at the back like those words of encouragement which shines brightly like the sun; for her, everyone deserves to get a recognition for whatever little or big he/she does).

If you find her, wreck her mind by exceeding her expectations or her current standards, let her know that she can go beyond her thoughts and fly. Sometimes she can be all too calculated, hold her hand or just push her at the edge of a cliff to go bungee jumping or at the edge of a plane to go sky diving, make her try out new things she fears on doing. When you jumble up her mind on things she thinks she knows of, she’d go crazy, but she would appreciate it at best. As she watches people, let her feel that you’re watching her, that someone’s waiting for her on the other side of the river. Don’t watch her for a lot of reasons, watch her just because. Here’s a hint, she thinks just because is a good answer because it calms her when you do what you do for no sane reasons at all. Give her that hope or make her hope for things that could be categorized as wild. Either that or… just that… just because… because. :)

Let me tell you one more thing, she would love to hang out at coffee shops (although she’s not a coffee addict). When she was a teenager, she thought she’ll be meeting her dashing prince while she’s there. That the prince would just be observing her from a far while she’s observing others a.k.a her “prospect prince” she goes drink up her Chocolate Cream Chip frappé (or, Caffe Americano, on days when she’s sick) and writes on her journal or finish a random book that she always have in her bag. Don’t you know, coffee shops are a fun place to watch people? *winks* And then fate had to step in and she will be forgetting her journal or the book and the prince will return it to her and they will live happily ever after.

That’s right, the girl who loves to watch people, hopes on true love. She hopes on it just as she hopes that those people she observes carefully at have found theirs or may find their other half in the time they least expect it to be. She believes in fairy tales, pixie dusts, and guess what, happy endings!

So, when you see her, she might be a little awkward but she always have the widest smile and the warmest heart when you got to know each other. And even if she doesn’t talk about a lot of things at first, let her bombard you with her glances and stares, she just likes to memorize faces, especially, the eyes. Oh, also your smile.

Date a girl who watches people because for sure, she’ll introduce you to a new kind of bizarre – in just about everyone you’ll meet along the way. You’ll begin to see people in new light and you’ll be able to love their imperfections. The girl who loves to watch people is not perfect herself. And it’s okay. She tries to live the real kind of living. The kind where you’ll enjoy life even it kicks you straight to your stomach or badly bruise your knees.

This girl had always been observing you from hindsight and it’s time for you to notice her. Date the girl who people-watch.

***Hi people of the Internet! This is my contribution to the Date a Girl series that’s been going on since last year. Haha! Have a great weekend! Cheers!***

The Perks of Being a Wallflower [this is not the book]

I warned you, this is really not about the book written by Steven Chbosky which became a movie where Emma Watson starred in. I haven’t read the book (nor watched the movie) yet and if ever I got to read or watch it in the future and post my review for it in this blog, I would entitle it: The Perks of Being a Wallflower [the real deal]. Ha! In that way, we won’t be confused. :P

What am I saying?

Twenty years of being a wallflower.

That’s what I’m saying.

Earlier this week, my cousin and I had a quick chat about whatever else that’s going on in our lives. She told me that she already have this new gadget. And I thought, wow nice. And then she said that it was [the gadget] given by a suitor of hers. She continued on saying that a guy who she met when their school had an out of the country affair is coming to the Philippines. And I asked her if that’s a suitor also, obviously, I won’t have no for an answer. See, my cousin, she’s beautiful and very well shaped and knows how to groom herself. No wonder she got suitors. There’s really nothing wrong with it except that it stressed the life out of me. Ugh! I hate it.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m totally good with the cousin having suitors, new gadgets and all. It’s just that, days like these when everyone else got their fair share of admirers makes me feel not pretty, not wanted, not seen, not interesting, not noticeable. Days like these makes me feel like a big-fat-Wallflower.

I was never really the crush ng bayan (read: apple of the eye) when growing up. I never had a puppy love. I never had a childhood sweetheart. I never had a someone in high school who told me that he wanted the twelve year old me to be his girlfriend. I never been asked on a date. I never been on a date. I never been given flowers and chocolates with a special dedication on Valentine’s Day. I never experienced someone sing something for me that reminds him of me everyday. I never, like, existed in the eyes of the guys as “prospect”. Never. I never got suitors.

It’s acceptable for a single girl to be single as long as she’s got suitors. That makes her single by choice, which is, let’s face it, a lot less sad. But because she’s single because no one really wants to be with her? Single by default? Well then, that’s just depressing.

-Isabel Garcia, The Last Single Lady

Depressing. It is. It’s like you don’t fit in to any options on the check box. And that, you’re just chosen because sometimes, people ran out of choices. You’re the last resort. But while there’s a whole lot of line to choose from, you won’t get noticed. It’s like, you’ll always end up questioning yourself in the mirror and telling the girl in the reflection, what is wrong?

Like lightning hit the sycamore tree, it dawned on me that nothing’s really ever wrong. With me. Well, aside from the fact that I eat in embarrassing amounts whenever I’m hungry and I burp like an ogre sometimes. Nothing’s really wrong with me except my mindset. I always forget what I said in the number seven of this list: I am not to compare myself to this world. I’m created in the image of the Almighty – fearfully and wonderfully. I got to believe this the best that I can coz this isn’t a lie. This is true. I am beautiful and so are you. Even in doubt, even you get goosebumps saying it to yourself in front of the mirror, even you think you’re a big joke, you [I] got to understand, you are [I am] beautiful. Don’t let Mr. I-am-telling-you-base-on-this-world’s-standards-you-are-NOT-beautiful win. He’s lying! He’s a LIAR. Go on, believe in yourself. Go on, believe in the small voice of encouragement within you. Go on, believe your Father. Believe the truth.

I am not telling this to make myself feel good. I am telling this to myself because I forgot how God made me as His creation – all He made is good. It is good. It is good. I am good. (see Genesis 1)

I am single, not by default. I am single because I know my worth. I can choose to go flirt with every guy in this world to have a boyfriend if I wanted to; but, no one wins in that. That’s just a whole lot of chaotic heartbreak. Besides I made a commitment, and some would say that I’m a cosmic idealist single lady alive, but it’s in my heart to pursue the best and never settle. I am bound to love myself first and to know my me more. I am bound to know the One who made me me. I am bound to know the One who gave me the greatest love I ever had and will ever had – the greatest love that would satisfy the depths of my soul and the never ending beat of my heart: my inner being.

And it’s not that I don’t want a relationship, it’s just that I refuse to beg for something that should be freely and willingly given and I refuse to settle anything less than something real. Something with chemistry and compatibility and attraction and yes, actual committed love.

-Isabel Garcia, The Last Single Lady

I know Love. I knew Love. I experienced Love. Although not the romantic type, but, you know, it’s just everywhere. From the time you held the little hands of a newborn child; the time you shared your favorite oatmeal cookie to a less fortunate; the time you forgive someone who wronged you and eventually forget what they had done wrong; the time you teach a new friend how to swim; the time you rendered patience, as if you had long threads of it, in teaching a new employee the how-to’s of a job; the time you smiled to a stranger which made him feel that he’s welcomed; the time when a Friend laid down his life for you; the time you accepted yourself for all of who you are and who you’re not.

Maybe love lives inside of us. Maybe love is meant for us to give to someone else. Maybe love will find its way to us when we’re out in the porch, watching the sunset and singing with all our hearts in a song by our favorite boyband of the 90s. Maybe Love is just around the corner and will hit us fast with smack in the face when we believe it.

As for now, living life with no strings attached to anybody, is fun. I should enjoy it while I’m still here. I got to do what I wanna do. I got to go where I wanna go. I got to be to people who I wanted to be with. I got to enjoy myself and understand myself. I got to depend on the True Dependable. I got to take hold of the world in my hands and I got to tell it that I don’t deserve to be treated less than my worth. I know that I’ll conquer all the fears and doubts and lies that it throws in front of my face because my faith is so much bigger than my biceps and my hope is higher than my 5 feet 4 inches height.

Being single never meant you’re ugly and no one wants to be with you. Take hold of your ideals of waiting for the perfect best man God designed for you to be with – although it’s hard and sometimes you would be seen by others as crazy – take hold of it like a precious gem stone, very fragile and can break easy. Never settle. Even if they said happy endings only happens in fairytales and movies and that being in love and to believe in love will bring you heartbreak and you won’t be ready, believe in Love anyways.

The perks of being a wallflower? Although my confidence can be measured in teaspoons when thinking if there’s someone who would really wanted to share a relationship journey with me in the future, I would still believe it with every cup I fill my teaspoons with.

In the meantime, I’ll explore and gaze upon the beauty and tragedy of everyday living. I’ll participate in the wonders of every season of this funny place called life. I’ll discover who I am, even I’ll fall, I’ll stand up again. I’ll trust Who made me who I am, the One who held my hand whenever I fell and pushed me to get back on my feet to stand up again. I’ll grieve when I need to. I’ll jump for joy when my heart tells me to. I’ll try to present myself well (even it means using creams and lotions for my skin or using baby colognes or wearing dresses and be quite feminine) every once in a while. Although I’ll still have days complaining about messy hairdos, unplucked eyebrows and yes, zero suitors, I’ll be brave while waiting. I’ll be ecstatic and giddy and arms wide open when waiting is finally done. I’ll watch the stars and wonder if Mr. Someday My Prince Will Come is watching the same stars as I am. I’ll never settle. I’ll just keep on believing. :)