Little Kid With Big Emerald Eyes, Glowing Smile

So, there’s Doubt.

Again.

Now, even more hyped. Like he made two tablespoons of black coffee in three fourth’s cup of hot water and consume all of it in a minute. He is awake. He never gets tired of telling you how insanely wrong every decision you’ve made in the past four months or so.

At past 3:25 in the afternoon, he yells in your head of the many things you could’ve done if you didn’t jump into the cliff of your instinct. He gets a pen and a paper, he looks at you and with a wide smile on his face, he doodles a word in a Chalkduster font which read: Loser. He blabber an endless lists of You Could’ve, You Should’ve, You Would’ve. He sings you the song of I Told You, So’s.

He doesn’t stop. He never ought to. And slowly, you find yourself agreeing with all the things he’s been filling and molding your mind into. It breaks your heart. It crashes your soul. It pollutes your light with the kind of dark you’ve never seen before. His friends Frustration, Disappointment and Regret are cheering for him loudly, “Way to go Doubt! You got her good!”

And then, there’s a little kid who came out from nowhere and stood by your side as Mr. Giant Doubt and his Super Friends fills the air with roaring laughters, exchanging high five’s. This kid, she held your hands, touched your face and whispered in (what you thought) a non-whispering voice, “Hi, my name is Hope. It is so nice to see you again! Come with me!”

You are curled down on the floor, you lifted your face, trying to recognize this brave kid you’d seen somewhere. She continued, her smile glowing like her big emerald eyes, “You’ve got great potential. You can do so many beautiful things you haven’t realized just yet. I like that you step out of your boat into the dry land of I Don’t Know What Lies Ahead But I’ll Press On, No Matter. That’s what I call Rock, you’re a Rockstar! I believe in you so, so, so much. That’s three so‘s, you know what it means? It means, I believe in you SO much!”

“Hope, what are you doing here? You are not invited in this conversation, go away!” Doubt said, not wanting to lose his hold of you. “Get her out of here.” he continued. Ever so quick of a back-up, Frustration, Disappointment and Regret took the little kid by both arms, trying to drag her away from you yet they can’t let her move, Hope is so sticky and surprisingly strong. And so she held your hands tighter, “We got this,” she said, “everything will be alright. Patience is a string but when you hold on it tighter, it’ll be worth it. Promise. Come with me.”

You wanted to believe the kid but Doubt was persistent. He never gives up a fight. “You are such a waste,” he said, “believing Hope like it can save you in your misery. Wake up! You are a loser. You are born to be one. What makes you think you are worth more than that?”

It echoes inside your head like a broken symphony. You looked at Hope, desperately.

“You are worth more than what you think,” she answered the question in your mind, “losing is a part of life, like chaos and mistakes and brokenness, they are always there. Like you know, a package. But you are made for conquer and create and wonder (and sometimes, wander) and patience and beauty and all the good things. Come with me?” Hope, you thought, got a knowing smile.

You closed your eyes. Took a deep breath. Trying to measure your courage.

“Wait, what’s happening?” Doubt panicks.

“Let’s dive until the end of this cliff, together.” you finally broke off your silence, “and I know things will be crazier than ever before but… I’ll choose and I’ll keep on choosing to believe you, Hope.”

You opened your eyes and everything is too bright. Doubt and friends are now gone, much to your relief. There’s just the little kid with big emerald eyes, glowing smile and whispering in a non-whispering voice (this is not her forte, you thought), “I’ll always choose you, too!!! You know what always means? It means always, always, ALWAYS!!!”

You smiled a bright smile and told yourself, “Good thing Hope never whispers.”

Live High

Lately, things keep blowing in front of our face. Reality is stinging every corner of our minds. We thought we know how the world works like the back of our hands, but, do we really?

Everything is fast-phased. It’s like we’re all in a bullet train. All we know is evolving in a snap — technology, communication, relationships, culture, faith. How do we define choices? What constitutes our beliefs? What do freedom and equality really mean? Why are we keep on accepting the behavior that this world keeps on imposing unto us? Is it absolutely okay to tolerate ideologies just so we can say we are accommodating to everyone’s perspectives? Who’s to say who’s right and who’s wrong? Why are there so many questions and why can’t we find an answer?

There’s something wrong in our world today; there’s something terribly wrong that’s happening. And I cannot, for the life of me, understand how will I properly respond to this. I never wanted to cast judgment on the way people deal with their life choices because I am never worthy to do so; I am a messed-up person myself. But it seems like this world is telling us that everything is okay as long as you’re happy and you’re true to yourself. What kinds of standard are we living in today? It pains me to see the picture that we are all living for the sake of ourselves — for our own rights, for our own happiness. We are nearly living in a Love-Only-Yourself kind of World, a Selfie (selfish) Generation. It’s all about us now, isn’t it — what we want, we should get.

Really?

Is that all there is to live? For people to know how great we are? How amazing our talents are and the things we do? How we can bend the rules and break them just for us to do the things we want to do?

Really? That’s life? That’s what we call living to the fullest?

NO. There’s more to life than just us. There’s more to life than all these — pleasures of the world we believe we must possess.

I want you to know that Happiness is different from Joy. Doing what we are ought to do will always be worthy than doing what we want to do. And that our choice is always important. Please don’t be deceived that you don’t have any control as to what and how you are going to feel; it’s not true. Saying that you don’t have a choice is like you not owning up to any consequences of your actions. Be man enough! Stand by your choices! I can only hope that you are choosing the right ones. But if you find yourself stuck in a mistake, you can always get out. Please choose to get out.

This world is ever-changing. This world could easily die to the standards that we people regard as virtue back then. But that doesn’t mean we should die with the world. We believe in God, right? He gave us an example to follow. And yet the freedom to choose what we do with our lives is in our hands.

Live high. Live mighty. Live righteously.

 

It Just Gets You

Growing up, never did I feel that I’m the prettiest girl in class nor I’m the beautiful princess at home. I never believe that I’m or will ever be attractive at all *coz I’m really not*. And that’s probably the biggest insecurity I’ll ever have. I’m telling you, it s*c*s sometimes. 

My mother is not the typical mother any child would have–the type that would tell his/her child he/she is handsome or beautiful, she’s not like that. I think she too is not convinced that I’m *at the very least* pretty, even. Yeah. What a support team?! Haha. But I wanna believe that she’s just not too vocal about how gorgeous I am and so. Haha. Kidding. 

Other people tell me that I need to learn how to take care of myself now, coz I’m not getting any younger. That I need to fix my hair, buy this-and-that for my face and do this for my body. There are others who just simply say that I don’t look good or I look old or I don’t look my age.  All those kinds of advices, and yes, even unpleasant thoughts. You see, my language of love is Words–hence, for me talking with grace is a major plus point. You can tell me I’m ugly and all that, but, sandwich it with some positive attributes so it won’t hurt that much. However, one cannot expect to receive that kind of treatment for always; there will be people who are very straightforward–forgetting grace and all and you just have to deal with it. 

The world has it’s own ways of defining what beauty is and definitely I don’t fit into it’s standards. We all feel that every once in a while. I’m just ever grateful though because I don’t belong to the world. I belong to the King of Kings; I’m a Royalty; I’m a Princess. Saying this, it boosts my confidence up 100times a notch. Although, being tempted and going back to my insecurities is always there. Like now. Some people can simply talk and discourage you in the process. When this happens and it happens every time, you’ll always have two choices: let them win and bring you down or let them realize that they won’t bring you down. It’ s a struggle to go over the latter coz it’s easier to throw out a Pity Party than being one Miss Bulletproof.

Actually, one can’t really face those giant monsters in their closets alone. That’s where the royal bloodlines come in. I can never do it alone–put a face in my insecurities and letting them all go and don’t affect me. Praise God, I have Him with me always. Even I got this major struggle with Beauty–funny, but yes I do, He always assures me that I’m more than what the world thinks I am. He thought of me as precious and sacrifice-worthy. He loves me. Even I burp like an ogre or I look like one. He’s just amazing. AWESOME!

I don’t give up on being one pretty girl. I know at the right time, I will be, but not because I followed the ways of the world. But my beauty shines inside out–the beauty of loving and serving my Big Daddy. I wanna achieve that first, for then, physical beauty will follow. Oh yeah!

So with this, a quick shoutout I give to my God’s Best: wherever you are and if you can even read this, I’m still a work in progress. I’ll do my very best to be the Someone God wants me to be for I know you’re doing the same too. I’m excited to meet you but I pray that when we do, you’ll see my efforts as I’m gonna see yours. Let’s do this for the glory of the King. :) orayt!

Live high. Live mighty. Live righteously. Cheers!