Garbage Collection

There’ll come a time when you will not live up to the standards. You will disappoint people, you’ll be disappointed by people and you’ll get disappointed at yourself in full circle. You’ll feel a hole inside your chest and your emotions may get too intense that you will feel this hole getting bigger and bigger and you will carry an emotion that gets heavier and heavier. And you’ll realize that whatever it is that you fill in the hole will never be enough because it isn’t something that will ever satisfy your soul in the first place.

What is it about hurt that makes it hard for you to forgive? What is it about pride that makes it hard for you to utter a sorry? What is it about loneliness that makes it hard for you to find peace? What is it about darkness that makes it hard for you to see the light? What is it about questions that makes it hard for you to look for answers?

Sometimes you think that whatever you’re feeling at this very moment will never end. Sometimes you think that if by trying to write these feelings down, you will get to the point of understanding how you will get through this process. You never liked uncomfortable and uncontrollable process. You never liked darkness. You probably even think that this will never be included in the best moments to behold in your most precious life because this is painfully awful. You just wanna escape and wake up to a morning of normal where you have always been predictably happy; and not like this, being overly quiet, eating hurt and lingering to loneliness. This may be so bad. This may want you to cry and crawl up your body in a position where you don’t feel fragile.


I watched my brother took out the trash for the scheduled garbage collection at our street. We have two bins full of one week of household refuse. When he removed one of the trash bags, maggots were coming out of it and when he removed the other, a horrid smell travelled our nostrils. And I wonder, what are we filling our bins with? If we hold onto the hurt, the pride, the loneliness, the darkness and the questions, what will come out of us? Are we taking care of maggots? Are we carrying a horrid smell?

My brother thoroughly cleaned the trash bins after taking out the garbage. He washed it with running water, he got a handful of powdered soap and tossed it inside each receptacle and rewashed everything with running water. He took a little more than five minutes to clean the maggots-coming-out-of-a-horrid-smelling-one-week-of-discarded-matter trash bins. It felt like there was never something rotting in there, it was totally spotless.


You know the answers deep inside you. You have always known what to do. You just need to make a choice. Your decision might be leaning to humility, might be leaning to acceptance of wrongs, might be leaning to loving unconditionally.

How long are you planning to hold on to the maggots? When will you take out the trash?

All the rotten things must not be stored in your heart. You’ve seen how a week can do so much spoilage. However, if you think this is a phase you need to go through, then go through this. But please don’t cling onto this for too long. Don’t let the maggots eat your soul. You can always take out the trash.

And If It Matters

People make mistakes. You, me, everyone else in this planet are capable of making a mess out of everything that supposed to hold beauty, order and peace in it. We are creatures of the flesh; we are never spared by the vultures that haunt us in the deepest oceans of our core. We have the ability to break the bones of our fragile words, to leave a scar on someone’s bloodstream, to spread darkness in a room searching for its light. We are human. We are only human. Our voyage to lead a life that only knows Hope will encounter the wilderness of Lost. And I wanted you to know that these, all of these, are inevitable because we are living. Because we have life. Because we have choices. And there’ll be times of wrong choices. And there’ll be times of deranged resolutions. And there’ll be times of destructive break-frees. These, too, are expected because life is a many splendored crap-hole.

It doesn’t mean though that when you jumped into one wrong move, you’ll end up in the never ending cycle of cursed fate. It doesn’t mean that when you placed all your aces in the game of life, you have all the risk of blowing everything off. It doesn’t mean when you made something wrong, you lose the chances of making it right. It doesn’t mean the way you think when you’re thinking of all the awful lists of how you are not worthy of any redemption.

Please remember that Grace, Forgiveness and Love is what defines your soul. This, my friend, is your armor. We have been bought for a price for all our shortcomings and we have to be grateful for this. There is Someone who believed that we are worthy of redemption, of salvation. Although we are not capable of being perfect, being righteous, being holy – we are capable of living, of making choices, of facing the consequences of our choices. And this is your beauty: to live your own story. It might be ugly, it might be chaotic, it might be unpleasant at times but it is yours. You are the only one who can live your life for you. I encourage you to hurdle the storms and live it.

Emptiness and Brokenness are two faces of growth. They are friends with Hope – the gem that we are all holding onto. Trust the struggle. Trust the overcoming. Trust the potential of your story. And if it matters, I trust you with every fiber of faith I have. So please, trust yourself and this situation. Trust the Divine. Anchor all your energy into your armor.

There is beauty in every unwise decisions learned. There is completeness in every vulnerability. There is comfort in every honesty. There is redemption for you and me.

But the lives we lead are squishy shoes and the only way to get it right is to wear them well, not trade them in. (Isabel Garcia)

Live your story six hundred forty eight words per minute.

When Someone Gives You Their Soft Crabs

The life that we live in could be a million things except Easy. Life will never play it fair.

One of my favorite spoken-word poets (read: Sarah Kay) once said that this life will hit you hard in the face, wait for you to get back up just so it can kick you in the stomach. Yup, if you haven’t figured out yet, life can be that cruel, my friend. Here’s my favorite part of what she said, though: but getting the wind knocked out of you is the only way to remind your lungs how they liked the taste of air. There is hurt, here, that cannot be fixed by band-aids or poetry.

Yes, Hurt is real. So as Pain, Disappointment, Cynicism, Frustration, Depression, Chaos and All The Other Words That Don’t Equate to Hope — they’re real and they’re here. And sometimes, living the life won’t be a grand roller coaster ride that only goes up like what Augustus Waters believed it to be. It actually requires so much more than just the phrase “Only Goes Up.” It requires so much of who we are: it requires our presence to stay and to choose to live it through. Can you believe that out of all the things we can be gifted with in this lifetime, we were given this wonderful thing called Choice? And Choice is like the first love of Perspective. They kind of go together. Like, if you were to describe them scientifically, they probably conceived a baby who they named Chemistry.

We got choices. Everyday. On how we are willing view Life in. (I think I’ve written this a million times. Haha) And I hope that no matter how life disappoint your checklist of plans, you’d still give it a shot to surprise you, to make you smile, to take some of your time and make you observe the simple things that could bring you great joy. I hope you find joy in simple things. I hope you choose to find and keep joy, always.

You were given life, it is your duty (and also your entitlement as a human being) to find something beautiful within life, no matter how slight.

-Eat. Pray. Love.

One of the things which makes me really joyful and which I really find beauty in, is this simple acts of random kindness.

You know those things that you don’t expect to happen, things that are too ordinary sometimes that people take for granted, things that kind of stir your core because it’s the last thing you ever hoped Life would hand over to you because you wished for it quietly thinking nobody would ever consider it… And yet, someone did consider it, someone took action, someone held your doubts in exchange for extra smiles and taps on your back.

I don’t know about you but I can’t help but fall in love with humanity every single time people choose doing good; people choose serving and meeting other people’s needs before theirs; people choose being kind.

I’ve seen it…

When someone gives you their soft crabs just because it’s your first time eating it, that even if it’s their favorite dish, they’d willingly take it from their plate to put it on yours. When someone volunteered to help you clean up the training room after you sent your partner away because she’s celebrating her first year anniversary with her boyfriend. When someone offers you a seat at the joint male-female area of the train and securing a vacant seat on your side and offering it to another lady. When someone take your photos with the Chinese birthday greet signs for your friend. When someone believed in your typography skills and declare that they’re your number one fan. When someone tells you that your haircut looks great on you. When you can’t count all the someones in your life that showed you random kindness. When you realize that I used when and not if in this whole paragraph because I am a believer that people got it in their bones. That I-will-try-to-be-a-rainbow-in-somebody’s-cloud kind of kindness in their bones. And that, that is what they’ll be going for in the end.

I’ve seen all of it. You’ve seen all of it, too. You’ve got your own stories to tell and I pray that you don’t let your own stories fade. We don’t live an easy life. We may not figure out everything about it, either. We only got choices. I hope we always choose to do what’s right (and what’s kind).