Choosing an Alternate Ending

I’m the kind of person who loves to start doing things which will later end up unfinished: running twice a week, journaling significant moments in a day, writing down lists of things I’m grateful for and dropping it in my Gratitude Jar, keeping up with my planner every year, reading books, creating art, eating in moderation, (and possibly) ending this sentence properly, heh etcetera etcetera. One major proof of this phenomenon as you can see is my “absence” from this humble space for almost half of the year last year. Gee, am I such a mess?

This is also the reason why I believe that the end doesn’t always justify the means. See, people can have beautiful beginnings yet have tragic endings and vice versa. Because choices bring a lot of who we are in this wilderness called Life.

As I grew older every year, I am desiring to see if I’ve been making a difference, if I’ve been doing something worthy, if I’ve been living this life to the greatest extent possible. I’m coming to realize that whenever I start doing something, it would be brave of my character if I’ll pour in the needed effort to actually finish it.

2015 is a fresh start (once again) and I got this impression in my heart that this year is a year of getting soaked so deep in the ocean, swimming. You must understand that “me, swimming” is a metaphor of “me, committing” – me showing up for the things I’ve signed up for. Because it’s one thing to get in the water and it’s another thing to go paddle yourself to the center island from the shore. It’s one thing to start something and it’s entirely different to have the urge and hustle all the way to the end goal of what you have started.

The word Commitment is such a bold word, though. It asks so much from you and to be honest, it’s scary. You gotta have the patience and the discipline to keep on pushing when all you wanna do is relax and take everything easy. I bet Easy is not even in the vocabulary of Commitment, maybe there’s only Hustle.

Now, there’s a good chance of me failing to do my commitments. The month of January have proven that to me. When I was a little bit younger, once I failed on something, I convinced myself that I’d probably be failing my whole journey anyway so might as well stop. And I did. I stopped three fourths of the way, mid way, or even if I just took the wrong two or three steps from the path I’m trying to go to. I stopped because I felt that maybe I’m just too hopeless to even continue. Well, the younger self clearly didn’t understand commitment.

I guess when things get tough and we can only measure our hope by teaspoons, we should still choose to stick to the possibility of overcoming. Commitment is hustling. It is working doubly hard to stand by our words, our passions and our innermost desires even if, sometimes, we have to face defeat. The overcoming of defeat is the highlight of every victory. And, it’s never gonna be easy.

Here’s to the beautiful hardships that Commitment will bring this 2015! Here’s to hustling! Here’s to choosing an alternate ending – a well done one, a complete one. It’s about time.

Seek and Find

When I promised to be back on hardcore blogging this March, I kinda did otherwise. Well, for my regular readers–fore mostly, my bestfriend or my buddy (although I’m not pretty sure about this one)–I apologize for late updates on posting. This is me, acting like I got real readers here, YET AGAIN. Why? It’s fun that way! :)

So yeah, how have you been?

As for me, one of the reasons I’ve been out from blogging was because of my mom who happens to enjoy Viktor (my iPod) and the Blitz game which makes harder for me to mobile-blog na lang undisciplined time for things I need to do, to prioritize and to finish. The same struggle I’ve been facing before; just look at my posts down past this article.

I can’t really write when my soul is not in line with my mind which could translate in abandoning some of the things I do which requires emotion. And yes, writing-slash-blogging is a part of it for the reason that when I do write, I write as me–no facade, no disguise. Although photoblogging is a different thing, hence, my Tumblr is super up and kicking happy bones. :) I kinda left my sketching-slash-doodling for a while also because I drained my unipin pen, the one I’m using for sketchi of my instability.

And all these instabilities, emptiness, confusions, depressions and frustrations will have their farewell party tonight for by the grace and power of my good Lord, my strength will be renewed! I need to do what Paul did; I need to buffet my body starting tomorrow so that the things I should do I will do and the things I shouldn’t be doing I’d stop doing so. I declare guidance, discipline and focus as I put my head on this journey. I’ll be needing you too, a lot of prayers from you will be of big help, so I need them again, okay?

Somebody once said, for an action to become a habit, you have to do it everyday for the next twenty-one days. However, to be able to arrive at a certain action, you need to renew your mind. By renewing your mind, it means you have to break from everything you habitually thought of doing; you need to reconstruct. I need to reconstruct.

By the end of the twenty-one days, my objectives are the following:

  • To do quiet time (QT) everyday at dawn.
  • To meditate on what I’ve learned from QT before going to bed.
  • Finish all my pending tasks–whether at work or at home or for myself.
  • Go to bed early and wake-up early.
  • Exercise and eat right (meaning, consuming right amount of food only)–this one’s kinda hard ah!
  • To get an accountability partner who would monitor me.
  • Complete attending Global Leadership Center (GLC) Level 1
  • Find new D-Group (that’s because my group from the old one went out of the country and I’m too young to belong to their group; so now, I need to find one that would suit me)
  • Give excellence at work
  • Revive the simplest, but fun, things I enjoy doing (writing poems, learning the guitars, finding something recreational stuff to do, doing doodles, people-watching, blog-stalking, etc)

Ain’t I too ambitious to list all these things? I think not. Nothing is impossible with the Big Guy plus hard work on my part. That’s why I need prayers, and you dear reader ought to give me some, okay? :) I pledge also to post updates on the blog regarding my quest for the best at least twice a week. :)

With this, I offer you my March Moodboard: Seek and Find.

For those who seek the Lord will not lack any good thing in their lives. Let’s focus our eyes on the real price and be mesmerized on the miracle that He will do in and through us. Cheers! :)