Say Something

I… I don’t feel anything anymore. When I hear your name, when I read your letters, when I am this close to seeing you once again. The butterflies in my stomach, they are at peace even at the thought of your presence; those butterflies don’t make me dizzy anymore. I can catch my breath now. I can look at you straight in the eyes without feeling awkward and fearing that my own eyes will betray me and tell you things like: I always wanted to be with you. I always wanted to choose you. I always wanted you to choose me, too.

The truth is, I never wanted those feelings – my feelings – for you to end. I never wanted to lose the spark, to cut the connection, to let go of all the memories. I never wanted us to fade. But you know, I also prayed for this day. I begged God to end whatever my feelings are for you because I know, we are like those Stars: we are crossed. We will never be. To be fair to myself, I just wanted to admit and tell you that: I liked you. A lot. And somewhere along the lines of pride and denial, I held these words in my tongue. I wrapped them in a secure place of I Will Never Let You Know.

I am afraid to grasp the idea of you feeling the same way as I am because it’s easier to think that you don’t. That this was never mutual. But somewhere in my heart, in my mind, in the times we spent — all that I am and all of who you are, I think, they (kind of) go together. Like twin souls. Like authentic laughter. Like two people who just want to hug each other but just can’t. Like there are too many signs and we choose to ignore them.

You are so beautiful. And I find out that the word beautiful can also be used to describe a boy, it supersedes the word handsome in every wonderful way. I always see you as beautiful. No, you were never perfect but you are beautiful. I don’t know what qualities you do have that will suffice my list of standards. You did not fit my standards in any way. That’s when I discovered, I don’t just like you, I think I had fallen in love with you. And Love, I heard, doesn’t need a reason why.

One sided love, ah, a familiar face! I felt this when I was younger: a love that isn’t reciprocated but still loving, anyways. It wasn’t all gloomy and shattered and lonely. In fact, it was electric and joyful and tastes like Summer in mid-Winter. It made me friends with Metaphors because I needed to hide your identity. And soon enough, I was able to craft my own Poetry which speaks of our moments together, I meant, my moment of looking at you closer and inhaling every blissful bits of gladness you unknowingly shared with my heart. Oh, it was marvelous! It still makes me smile whenever I remember.

Today, we hang in the air like moments. And we know that, moments too, need letting go.

You’re the one that I love. And I’m saying goodbye.

Dear Rez Toledo

Hi, I’m Kriselle. You don’t know me, but, I had been a fan of your craft since the early 2011s.

***

Being the radio junkie that I am, when there’s a new song that comes up and it’s good, I always take a mental note of it. Most of the time, the music that I took note of either got my soul on its lyrics, its rhythm or both. And I happen to bumped with your Hey Daydreamer song that came out on the radio in that first quarter of 2011 and it grew on me.

At that time, I really thought it was something from Owl City. However, I had to rethink it again since my guesses and the voice on the song don’t match. And so, I had to scratch out Adam Young from the equation. But I’m positive that it’s something foreign until you appeared and played live at Magic’s Top 5 at 5 (now PopStop). Upon seeing you, the looks of sincerity in the way you deliver your song (plus your charm), I instantly loved HD more.

Well, HD is not the type of a song with a very metaphorical lyrics (the types of songs that I like) but it just makes you feel light. It’s something fresh. It’s electro pop and OPM (!!!). And the fact that it was only arranged and written by one person was amazing; that was pure talent I saw there and that made me decide to track down what could be in store for this new band: Somedaydream.

***

I always liked the name of your one-man band. When you were getting all the attention from the music scene, I felt that the words Somedaydream was an encouragement for yourself and everyone that they could also, one day, achieve what they had worked and dreamed of. And you, you were living your passion – music. I hope you know that you had inspired many. You always kept your feet on the ground, appreciating and messaging your fans whenever you can – that made them (us) appreciate you more. I guess, you always knew the value of giving and sharing your time to people.

I had never been this much of a fan to other OPM artists out there before. Although I am a fan of some, I never really followed them like the way I had followed you. I’m not sure what made me do so but I think I do a lot of spontaneous and cray things whenever my Inspirational Tank is filled – at some point, you made it overflow. I got this thing for people who inspire others to be their best and I’ve seen that in you; you “inspired” me to be my best. And that’s why, I think, I considered myself a Dreamer (the way you address your supporters) and there’s a lot of work to be done to achieve thy dreams.

***

You are now in a new state of your life where you are making decisions based on your courage and your principles. The day you wrote back to your supporters, updating them on what’s gonna happen next, we were all thrilled since you had been in too long of a break. You were in a lighter mood in that letter, disclosing all your previous and future plans and your decision to release your last Somedaydream album. Believe me, I am giddy to see it but I also wished that you would prolong its release; because once you do release it, we might not see Somedaydream anymore. Sometimes, I just don’t like the idea of losing something of great value. At least for me, and to your other supporters. I think, the music industry needs something of a fresh vision, of a young mind, of a new face – people like you.

Yesterday, your follow-up announcements included your new song and your statement:

Finally, this will be my last contribution to “OPM”. After this, it’s official: I am not “OPM”.

I don’t know how to react when I read this. It makes me sad. Your new song (After Tonight) makes me sad too, especially the lines,

It’s alright, you won’t see me after tonight
Let’s bury our memories of you and I singing under the stars
It won’t mean thing a to me, to you
To you, it won’t mean a thing to you

I don’t know if I got the lyrics right but I’m just so sad to see you go. :( Minsan, medyo OA ako, pero na-sad kase ako talaga.

Even when you wrote that song in 2010, I felt every line of it today. Being a symbolic person that I (too) am, even I think this is quite a love song, I felt that this is you saying goodbye. I just want you to know that I don’t understand your whole reason yet. Or, I just don’t want to understand it at all. #whyRezwhy

All good things come to an end. I’m hanging to your words: we can start a new movement. Your leaving, I guess, is a birth for a new beginning. We know (hope) that you’ll be back, although not as Somedaydream, but someone who is in the process of helping and reaching out for somebody else to reach their dreams — for themselves, for the people they care for, for their passion and for our local music industry.

Somedaydream will always always mean a thing to me, to us. It will mean a thing to us. :)

Godspeed, man!