And Seeing a Rainbow Could Mean Believing that a Clearer Weather will Come After

I was supposed to give a testimonial today to a group of young people down South but, a few weeks ago, I was told of the changes that had to happen. I was taken off the list – nothing personal – because they had to invite a main sharer instead. The theme of the event was about Love and Waiting and my supposed part would be sharing my path in this whole waiting process.

And so, here’s what I would probably share to those kids (read: teens) if I were able to speak to them:

Waiting is never going to be easy. You all know this. Srsly, who likes to wait? We all belong to a generation of impatient humans.

When I was about eleven years old, a freshman high school who thought that my crush has a crush on me, I asked my mom this question: Ma, pwede na ba ako magboyfriend? And to my overly excited hormones, she replied silence. She did not say anything. She just kept quiet. And my young mind did not understand then that probably my mom was praying to the God of Heavens to pacify her daughter who got uncontrollable emotions that could possibly lead to teenage pregnancy, haha.

For me, there’s nothing wrong with the boyfriend-girlfriend thing even at a young age, guaranteed you are guided by your parents, you are obedient to your parents’ guidance, you got solid foundation and you know your limits. I don’t see anything wrong but it’s gonna be a tug of discipline between your parents and your wild heart. If you are prepared to go through some difficult battles at a young strength, then, go. Remember though, the consequences could be a lot tougher if you’re going to be really stubborn in the middle of your journey. I’ve seen few people who succeed in this and I’ve seen a lot who did not. Your choice.

By God’s grace, the younger me managed to graduate high school without having a boyfriend because I don’t know if I could ever resist the temptation of the world if I got what I wanted that early.

I never had a boyfriend in high school and until now but I got crushes. Crushes are life source, promise. They get you to school early because you wanted to pass by that corridor and get your daily dose of “inspiration.” That’s it, that’s their benefit, at least you’re not late.

Having crushes are normal, however, if you will purposely not study so you will stay in the same section as to where your crush is, that is crazy. Kid, you are young and crazy and wasting your opportunity to get more knowledge in your history class. You have to pause and recalibrate your mind. You think staying in the same section can get your crush to have a crush on you? It will never happen. But even if it does happen, it doesn’t change the fact that you’re missing out Nebuchadnezzar in History and it’s actual connection to the story you just read in the Bible.

Do not hurry. High school is just high school, there could be a lot more boys who you could fall in love with in College. Unless you’re in MassCom where statistics could be very well out of proportion. Haha kidding! Your goal shouldn’t be finding love, your goal should be waiting for love to come. And while at it, being the best that you can be. Find your purpose and fulfill it. Go change the world if you think the world needs changing. Or, go change yourself instead. In the meantime, please do good in school. You owe that to God, to yourself, to your hardworking folks, and to your country (yup, your country, the main reason why you memorized Panatang Makabayan).

Time will come when you’ll turn 20-something’s and you’ll now realize that how come everyone got their fair share of another person’s hands, arms and comfort and you – well – you are still you. You don’t have anybody to share that overflowing love in your heart with yet. Yes, you got your family and friends who reciprocate the love, but no someone yet. That different feeling. You don’t have that yet.

You know how it would be totally fine if every now and then, there’s another soul who would tell you that they admire you and would just do things for you and would ask you if you could risk loving them too? Then that makes you single by choice. But what if there’s none? You are just single by default. How does that make you feel? Sometimes you just wanna give up waiting and just wallow into self-pity questioning your worth. You just wanted love anyway, was it too hard to ask for?

There’ll be days when Doubts will come rushing in like tidal waves, pushing all your Brave offshore and far away. When it comes, carry your sunbeams with you, still. You’ve collected one too many along the way. You needed that when everything’s just too clouded and seeing a rainbow could mean believing that a clearer weather will come after.

You know how they say everything’s gonna be worth it in the end? I think they’re not lying.

Love will come when you’re brave enough to wait. Waiting is quite a process. It builds your stomach the abdomen it takes to never settle. We might get a six-pack after all these. And that, kid, is worth the wait.

Someday, I’m Gonna Receive Flowers

It has always been stressed out that Love is something worth waiting for. And I have been in this whole business of Waiting for more than two decades already. And yes, I am getting to the point of being stressed out (haha kidding I’m all for this Waiting Game)!

When I was younger, I always dreamt of meeting “the One.” My God’s Best (GB): the person whom God will bring into my life which will make my heart skip a beat; the person who will shower me with all the attention and care that I needed; the person who will tell me that I’m the most beautiful girl in the world and mean it; the person who will do everything to protect me and make me happy; the person who will settle down with me to build our own home and family (I’m thinking five kids haha); the person who will choose me for who I am and who I am not – no matter how cliché that “choosing me” sounded – period. I planned everything when I was fifteen and was about to graduate high school. After four years in College, I’d have a stable job for about two or three years, thereafter, I should’ve met him already. I would be 23 at that point and we would spend four or five years of being together before he would propose to me. By the age of 28, I’ll get married and live happily ever after. HAHA too much daydreaming, fairytales and Disney movies!

Currently, I now hit the I-should-have-already-met-the-One-by-this-time mark which my younger self had planned all along. Obviously, though, it wasn’t a well-executed plan as I expected it to be. But hey, I’m still 23, anything can happen! Who knows? Lol I never thought Waiting could be a thermometer of Courage. As Time contribute years to your life on Earth, it also add fears and doubts to your conviction that this whole thing they call Love will be worth the wait til the end.

We should commend the catalyst who invented the Day of Love which the entire universe celebrates at this very moment, though. It makes all of us who are still waiting realize how it is too difficult to keep up with what we’re doing when everyone around us have already found their match. Life can be a pain, sometimes lol. It’s especially hard when you haven’t experienced being found by someone ever, yet. I’m gonna be honest, the longing grows deep; thus, making this journey a very tough ride.

Last Friday, eve of Valentine’s, some of the guys at the office bought bouquet of flowers for their special someones. It’s wonderful to see the efforts that these souls are willing to take just to make their other half feel exceptional on the day made for Love to be acknowledged. That although some of them doesn’t believe in the idea of “giving flowers” because they said, “flowers die,” they’d still give the flowers anyway because it’s a gesture which their loved ones will appreciate. They’re so in love :) At that time I thought, when will my turn come? When will someone bother to think if I’d like some flowers on Valentine’s or even in any ordinary day? When will Love take place? When will the Wait be over?

Too many questions but no definite answers.

Maybe love lives inside of us. Maybe love is meant for us to give to someone else. Maybe love will find its way to us when we’re out in the porch, watching the sunset and singing with all our hearts in a song by our favorite boyband of the 90s. Maybe Love is just around the corner and will hit us fast with smack in the face when we believe it. (Me three years ago, sometimes I make sense haha)

I still believe in Love and I’m never gonna stop. I still believe in the beautiful struggle of Waiting. Damn, it’s so hard but I still believe that there is someone out there for me. That someday someone will have the courage to ask me out on a date. That someday someone will have the boldness to tell me what his feelings are for me and how he is so ready to take the risk and see if we have a shot at chance. That someday someone will hold my hand whenever and wherever and even without any reason at all. That someday someone will always stretch the widest smile at the sight of my presence. That someday someone will give me flowers even if he doesn’t believe in the idea of giving flowers.

I’m not certain when will our story unfold, all I know is our story has been written down by such an amazing Author who will grant the desires of our hearts in the most perfect time, perfect place, and with the perfect person. I know someday, someone will come and tell me that Love has arrived and that the long Wait is finally over. I know someday, Valentine’s or not, I’m gonna receive those flowers. :)

I Kissed Dating Goodbye: A Review of Some Sort

Today, we will talk about Love. Yes, I’ll go straight to the point. This is what happens when children grow up, they talk about love and stuff. Haha. Anyways…

Few weeks back, I finally read Joshua Harris’ I Kissed Dating Goodbye.

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I’ve seen this book being read by my blockmates back in College; I knew then that it would be something worth reading. But at that time, I got this very little patience when it comes to “practical” books (those that give suggestions on what to do with your life and all that), I’m only fond of reading fiction novels ergo I read no Joshua in College Days. September last year however, when I went to a book fair, I finally decided to buy the book. Oh, please don’t judge if I just read it three weeks ago. ;)

The book got my attention in the first few chapters. A lightning struck; I got hooked. Joshua shared his convictions with regards to dating – if he is not ready for intimacy, for marriage, he will not commit to be in a relationship with someone (even giving hints when there are times that he already got a prospect in mind). He is very ideal. The reason why he decided to choose this path is that he believes that this is what The Lord wanted him to do: to develop intimacy with God and to value relationships with the people surrounding him (not leading them to something that will become confusing and messy, but taking care of them like brothers and sisters).

Joshua considers the plans of The Lord in stored for him and he is willing to wait while he is in the season of singleness in his life. He’s willing to sacrifice the good now in order to get the best later. While in his current season, he wanted to grow deeper in his relationship with God; exploring and obeying where The Lord has placed him to go, to reach out, to serve.

When I was eleven years old, even when I got silly crushes, I was ideal as Joshua’s. While in the middle of reading his book, I found out, ten years after that I made myself vulnerable to compromise. I haven’t been in any relationships ever since although I got this certain person that I really really like and I always thought that if this guy will pursue me, I might say yes. As Joshua says, God placed in our hearts the desire to be in a relationship, to be in a commitment, but we should only do so at the right time, at the right place, with the right person.

I always thank God that He never made this guy that I like pursue me. For one, thank God that the guy doesn’t like me the way I did for him; second, The Lord knows how deceiving my heart can be and I know that He’s protecting me. God will grant my desire of being in a relationship when he knows that I am ready. He doesn’t want me to settle. And I also know that I shouldn’t be equally yoke with an unbeliever. It is hard, yes, but focusing on God will make it easier for us. And I need, like Joshua and all of us Christians, to grow deeper in love with The Lord first and everything will just fall in its right pieces of the puzzle.

I hated that the book revealed my petty desires for the things and persons that I wanted now. Dyahe. Haha. It is also the same reason, however, that I loved it because it speaks of the truth, of what we all should pursue of if we wanted to honor God in our relationships.

I liked that Joshua pointed out our selfish tendencies when we like a person; how we always wanted to know if our feelings are reciprocated and if it were, we feel good. Most times, we only think about what good we can get and love is not like that. Love is thinking of what is best for the other person, it involves wisdom when to know the right timing to be with each other. Of course, it is easier said than done. But we always have to start with our choices. As the old saying goes, nothing worth-having comes out easy.

Hustle while we wait! Lets not just stand here and do nothing. Lets serve God with all our might, focusing our undivided attention to him, seeking to pursue the joy of obeying our Master. Ladies, lets behave like a queen to attract a king. Don’t ever settle. And while we’re here, lets make the most of our time!

As for me, I’m renewing my vows to relationships and commitment, bringing back my eleven to my twenty-one year old self. ;)

Bookmarked!

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Somewhere Between

Somewhere between spring and fall
Somewhere between classics and jazz
Somewhere between nightfall and daybreak
Somewhere between the roller coasters and the merry-go-rounds
Somewhere between good memories and the bad
Somewhere between then and now…

I’ve seen you somewhere and I thought we’ll see each other again

Hope was the vehicle of the longing that I felt
Rain was the umbrella for something bright as the sun
The wind blew from Southeast to Westside
All afternoon, I waited somewhere between four and five

I ran faster to keep up with my train of thoughts
I searched the ocean for the right words I should have in mind
I watched the city as it was drenched by fog and rainclouds
I peeked through the window of a room lit with a tiny candle of holding on to somewhere between a couple more seconds and walking away

But I lost all of them

I lost them like how,
Somewhere between exchanging smiles and postcard stamps,
I lost you in between all the avenues of Somewhere.

Wait For A Man

That will put in the time, heart and effort to pursue you. None of this whole chasing-around-boys-who-don’t-really-like-us-and-pine-when-they-reject-us business.

Wait for God to set you up with one who will put in time to win your heart. How can He do that if you’re throwing it at Him?

Be secure enough in yourself and your Father that you don’t need to throw your heart around and give it away to any man who winks his eye at you. Be a woman, secure in God, deadly to the devil, feminine in strength, purity and tenderness. Give your man a chance to be a man.

Let the boys who blow you off and expect you to let them walk all over you or just plain won’t put in effort to get to know you at all go. Let them go, and position yourself as a woman satisfied in herself and her life.

Give yourself to the all-knowing God, give yourself to loving others, and your man will come alongside you. You will never have to strive to make him like you, to make him talk to you. He will be already a man in pursuit of your heart without your help.

******

Although I just recently pass through the Teen Years, I still feel that I belong to that same age group. Well, twentyteen is not too far an age, right? :P But seriously, I admit that I haven’t reached maturity yet–in thinking, speaking, acting and even dressing up.

I’m still a big fan of Miley (even when she changed her image); my ultimate favorite movie is still A Cinderella Story; I don’t have a nose for classic literatures yet, instead, I’m addicted to chic-flicks; I still wanted “wished” for people to somehow notice me all the time; most times, I don’t walk my talk; I still wanna look good in front of others; and I still think that when a guy smiles at me or talks to me nicely that he just might be the one for me (I can go weirder than that).

Do you ever or do you still have those problems too? Or is it just me all along? Ha! Unfair. Real maturity depends on how one define maturity for themselves. But when it comes to boys—sometimes it’s a whole different story altogether.

You know, I’ve never been in any relationships EVER. Ergo, I don’t really know what is going on there. However, I’ve always been waiting…waiting…waiting…and waiting…waiting patiently for someone who would be willing to go in that journey with me. I’ve always known the virtue of waiting–the best is yet to come. For single ladies like me, though, it seems like the best is stuck in a gigantic maze somewhere which makes it harder for them to find us. Thus, makes the waiting all the more challenging for us to do.

It’s easy to give in, the world is generous and will give you a handful of choices. But you see, the world only offers good and better, there’s only One who could give you the best in life. He wanted to give us the best and we ought to wait for it expectantly, not losing heart. We don’t need to give in and lower our standards and our quest for something perfect. Believe that the perfect (one who would really suit you) will come. Believe it and it will.

Ladies, we are God’s princesses. What does princesses deserve? Princes, right? Somebody once said, carry yourself like a queen and you’ll attract a king. A queen will never settle for anything less than the best; she knows what she deserves. Same thing for us. Never lower your expectations with the guys. Never compromise your standards. Life would be sweeter if your prince will go a long way–thorns, bush and all–to find you in the arms of your Father. Then, isn’t it a life worth having? Isn’t it a man worth waiting for?